We can't be friends... or can we?

Loved this article today!

We can't be friends.

She definitely sounds like the kind of mom I want to be friends with, and the kind of friend I want to be to other moms. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves?

What she doesn't know

Thank you for this amazing post about 3-year-old daughters! I couldn't have said it better myself. (*Tears streaming down my face!*)

What She Doesn't Know

At times I can already feel my little 3-year-old growing up and slipping away. If only I could hold on to special moments like this forever!

To Moms: From Kid President

I got this link from one of our FB&FM contributors, Alysa. This is something I could hear everyday!

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President. 

The kid in this video is just TOO cute. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did :). 

To moms of one or two children

My genius husband hooked me up with yet another great article!  Read it here. This article has given me the boost I need to love my kids a little more every day, by reminding the right perspective on parenting: letting go and trusting our Heavenly Father.

My favorite passage from this article:

I need God more.

I need Him in the morning. At noon. And at night. I need Him to wipe my tears when my baby won't let me sleep at night. I need Him to calm my heart when I'm changing bed sheets at 2am. I need Him to keep my children safe because I only have two hands and one set of eyes and crossing a parking lot means holding on tight but it also means letting go of "I can do this, I can do this" and trading it for "God, You are with me and You love them, too."

I need His patience. 
I need His joy.
I need His love.

Some Alternatives to Punishment

I love this article from SW Parents.

It has helped me rethink how I approach my two-year-old's behavior.  We have been struggling with independence and stubbornness lately, and so my natural reaction is to put my foot down and say "No!  I'm the mom so I get to make all the decisions!"  In essence, I'm giving her the perfect example of a stubborn, independence driven temper tantrum.  I didn't stop to realize that my child's "misbehavior" is also a form of communication.  I should have seen her tantrums as a way of saying "Mom, I'm growing up.  I can handle this."  And you know what, she can.  And you know what else?  The "punishments" we have used in the past really don't work very well.  It just creates negativity and hurt feelings.

I learned a valuable trick from my sister recently.  Instead of nagging her kids to eat their dinner, she cheers them on by saying "Go, Eva, go!  You can do it!"  Talk about an uplifting dinner routine!  Since then, my two-year-old has started cheering us on when we eat all our food.  It's pretty much the cutest thing ever!  That never would have happened if I had continued threatening my daughter instead of encouraging her.

As a final note, I'm not saying that we should let our kids walk all over us parents.  I'm just saying there is a better way than letting yourself get worked up about misbehavior, a lesson I have had to learn over and over again.  (I will probably have to learn it many more times before I get the hang of it!) So try encouragement instead of threats.  These tricks might work for you:

From SW Parents:

1. Show kids what you DO want them to do, and support them, encourage them, catch them doing it, praise them.  Give them positive options!
2. Change the child’s environment so that it supports positive behaviors.  Simple example: don’t keep the jar of cookies where your 3 year old can reach them.  More complex example: figure out how long of a playdate your kid can handle before falling apart.  Keep playdates within that time frame until you’re both ready to experiment with incremental increases.
3. Figure out what’s behind the unwanted/negative behaviors.  Behavior is a communication, I like to say… what is your child’s behavior saying to you?  Hint: it’s usually something along the lines of: “I’m tired and over stimulated” or “I can’t handle this much freedom,” or “I really need more time with you/attention from you,” or “Something’s not right with me,” or  “I am not getting enough opportunities to feel powerful and in charge of my life.”  When parents understand what the child’s behavior is communicating, they can better meet the underlying need… which generally has a positive effect on the unwanted behavior!

Choosing to Indulge in the Everyday - Marie

This is a post from my friend, Marie.  What I admire so much about her is that she is smart and capable and dedicated.  She is the kind of person that can simply stick to a decision no matter the difficulty (well, at least it seems that way to me).  With her strength of character, she has the ability to be powerful in the world.  And yet she chooses to be powerful in her family instead.  I have no doubt that Proverbs 31:28 will be her description:  "Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her".   Her kids will be so grateful for her skills and for making the sacrifice to be their special mom instead of being a "powerful woman" in the eyes of the world.  She is unselfish and Christlike and very admirable.  I want to be more like Marie.  

Here are her words about choosing to "indulge" in the greatest joy we can find as mothers, our kids -- 

Carpet lines. If you're wondering what the first picture is supposed to be of that is your answer. I love carpet lines--the lines created in certain types of carpet after you vacuum. When I was younger and as I grew older, I realized that I wanted carpet lines. 

The carpet in my house growing up was not conducive to carpet lines. It was bumpy and green. If you've seen Toy Story, you've seen the carpet I grew up with. You might not have realized you saw it, but you did. Now go think back and remember Sid's room. Remember when Buzz and Woody are coming out of the backpack and there are all the reconstructed toys. Can't remember? Just google search "toy story sid's room" and you can see images. Well, Sid's carpet was our carpet.

Now, I'm not saying I was deprived as a child. I remember liking our bumpy, green carpet because it made nice "bushes" for my toy animals to eat. But what I am saying is that that carpet couldn't have carpet lines and that when I finished vacuuming I wanted those perfect lines to appear. Those lines that say, "Look at this lovely freshly-vacuumed floor." I don't know why, but I just knew that if I could have carpet lines vacuuming would be better. And you know what? I was right. For me, creating vacuum lines makes me feel happy and in some weird way accomplished. Vacuum lines are one of those simple pleasures that make doing those "have-to-do" things enjoyable.

You may also notice in that top picture that those carpet lines are just not right. There are itty bitty footprints in those carpet lines! If those footprints made me angry, I would say that they mar those perfect lines. Thankfully, for my sanity would surely be lost, those footprints make me happy. They are another simple pleasure (and complicated pleasure certainly). 

Look at the cute little feet and pudgy legs that made those footprints!

Aren't they just the cutest?!? These feet and legs belong to the smallest love of my life and he is constantly leaving marks all over. Special touches and dashes of light. Messes I will miss because he no longer wants to spend his time near me or he is "too big" to make them anymore. I'll enjoy the piles of books he asks me to read while he still asks me to read them. I'll make towers for him to topple while he still needs me to help build them. I'll do my best to enjoy each question and answer it as best as I can. I'll cherish every cuddle even those that are a bit clingy.

Those beautiful feet make perfect footprints that adorn my carpet lines. Those carpet lines accent those footprints, making it so they are noticed, highlighted, showcased. Reminding me of how lucky and blessed I am. Reminding me to appreciate all the moments because I get to experience them. Those footprints are most definitely a simple pleasure--and a huge blessing.

I'll let Owen continue to show you some of the other simple pleasures I enjoy. I absolutely love hearing Owen say and call for "Mommy" and "Mom."

I sure hope he knows that Mommy loves him!

I wondered for awhile whether he knew the word mom. He would say dad so easily and often. All I had to do was say, "Let's go see Dad," and he'd start looking around for and repeating "Da. Da. Da." Every time we come home whether it is from a friend's house or from the store, Owen starts repeating "Dad" as we get out of the car, walk up the stairs and get inside the house. He's asking if Dad is home; no matter what I respond, he will keep asking and look expectantly for Dad when we enter.

The first time I remember him really saying "Mom" was when he called me from the other room. I'd left him in his highchair with food I knew he wouldn't choke on, so I could go to the bathroom. Moments after I left, I heard him calling, "Mom! Mom! Mom!" I was so excited! There was proof that he knew the word mom and that he knew mom was me. I need to remember how wonderful it felt to be called as he gets older. I still love it now when he calls for me in our little apartment.

Another simple pleasure of mine is watching Owen read.

Obviously, he isn't reading words yet (though he does a pretty adorable job of it), but he does look at pictures and flip through pages as I've shown before. He loves to be read to and read by himself. I just love watching him pick out a book and read it. When I realize that all those books off the shelf came off because he was reading them, I don't mind so much picking them up again. 

The last simple pleasure I'm going to share today is watching Owen discover the humidifier (and just about any new discovery makes the list). 

Perhaps you noticed my croaky voice in the "mommy loves me" video. Well, I got a minor case of bronchitis which came with a nasty cough. To try and get some sleep, I followed the doctor's suggestion to try a cool mist humidifier at night. When Owen came to wake me up in the morning with his daddy, he discovered it. It became an instant favorite.

I definitely feel like I can't let these moments slip away. It's so easy to feel busy and to be busy. When I try to do too much and take things too fast, I miss these simple pleasures. It's the little things that make life meaningful and fun. The little things forge relationships and bring happiness. I've noticed that on those days when all I want is for nap time to come or Tyler to come home or Owen's bed time to arrive, I'm letting all the moments pass and I'm not happy. I'm waiting for the next day. And then I realize that there isn't anything coming up. All I'm doing is missing everything huge and special because I'm taking it for granted! I'm missing my baby being a toddler. I'm missing this amazing amount of free time, couple time, and family time with Tyler. I'm letting it all go by and not enjoying any of it. I know that later, I'll miss this time and I don't want to have regrets about not taking advantage of this time with Tyler and Owen. I feel like I just have realize it anew every day. If I keep remembering then I can be the wife and mother and woman I want to be. I choose to remember. I choose to indulge in my everyday.

A Story Before Bed.

This experience comes from my sister Jane:

I just put Halle to bed. It is 10:00pm and she is very tired. She asks me so sweetly if I will snuggle her. I consent. She is asleep within minutes.

I leave the room and go back to my desk to fill out a consensus booklet. My private self hates filling out all of this information and sending it to the government, even though they probably already have this information on file. Suddenly, my concentration is broken by Halle shouting, "Mother! Mother! (pause) Mother!"

I return to her room with a smile on my face. I get such a kick out of her grown-up words. She's in her bed. She says, "I was scared. And when I'm scared, I just need some milk." 

I leave, and return again with a small, blue, plastic IKEA cup full of milk. After 2 sips, she hands it back, smiles, and quietly says, "Thank you. That was deli-suss. I love you so much," followed by a big hug around the neck. She is so sweet and sleepy that I can hardly contain my grin. I feel so much love for this little grown-up child.

I ask if I can snuggle some more. She settles in to bed and embraces her Nemo fish (a gift from exactly one year ago). Then her imagination kicks into gear. She says, "My nemo was on my swimsuit, and now he's HERE! in my arms! He was swimming, but now he came back to me. (insert quiet smooch)." It's completely dark in her room, but I can just imagine her eyes shut so tight as she kisses the stuffed Nemo fish in her arms. She lives each moment so genuinely.

Then she POPS up in bed and says, "I forgot the food! My tummy isn't happy. It's still sad and mad. I need pickles and meat and cheese. Then my tummy will be happy."

I guess it's been too long since dinner and she's hungry again. Oh well. She's now sitting next to her father at the kitchen table as he finishes up homework and reading assignments from the first day of the new semester. It's mid-August and unbelievably humid outside. So humid that our windows fog up in the mornings and I'm soaked after a short early morning jog. But despite the heat and the late nights, life is good.

Life is so good.

After a few minutes of snacking and chatting with her father about "land use and planning" (boring!) it is officially time for bed. I climb in next to her one more time and say goodnight. Then she perks up again and says, "No wait! My tummy is still mad. and sad. and crying. forever and ever! And I am crying for you and I will say Mother! Mother! because my tummy is sick.

All the while, she is stroking my cheek and tucking a stray hair behind my ear. Then she pauses and says, "I love you so much." with a kiss on my forehead. 

I ask, "Really?"

"Rilly."

I lay there without moving. Her hand on my wrist. Her breath like a gentle wind on my forehead. And within moments, she is again asleep. 

Heaven is close to my heart tonight.