Changes?

I have been thinking a lot about parenting and what I hope people get out of this blog.  I want this to be a place for moms to come to find ideas and feel appreciated.  I want this to be uplifting and never discouraging.  I want this to be a source of clarity and stress-relief.  Because of these goals, I think I'll re-focus my structure.  Originally I wanted to have a theme for every month and focus every post on that theme.  Now that this blog is up and running, I find that I would rather go with the flow because I so enjoy learning about everyone's individual approaches to parenting.

So let's scrap the "theme" idea and just have a good old-fashioned discussion!

On that note, let's talk about schedules.  If I were to describe myself and my approach to parenting/homemaking, I would say I'm pretty relaxed.  Some things are just not worth stressing over (especially when you have little kids).  In fact, the idea of giving myself deadlines in parenting/homemaking stresses me out!  It frustrates me when I don't get something done that I had every intention of accomplishing... just because life got in the way.

So instead of giving myself a schedule, I decided to give myself a general daily routine and to-do list.  It includes things like exercising, going to the store, putting kids down for naps, taking a shower, making dinner, etc.  It seems to work pretty well for me.  But the routine is basically the same for every day.  And because I try to hit all the big things on my to-do list, all the little things that need to get done start stressing me out.  Things like sweeping the floor, folding the laundry, doing the dishes, playing with my kids etc.  I try to fit them in whenever I have a moment of downtime... which sometimes NEVER happens.  And since it's impossible to do everything during nap time which sometimes doesn't happen, I start getting stressed.

Then I decided to set a day for doing laundry -- Wednesday -- so that every time I start stressing out over laundry I can tell myself "It's OK, I'll do it on Wednesday.  I can worry about something else right now."  And so far, it's working pretty darn well.  Who knew that making a schedule and setting a deadline could actually reduce stress instead of increase it?  (probably everyone but me, but I finally figured it out for myself).

So I'm trying a new approach.  I think I need a schedule, even though that word scares me a little bit.   But I can't make it too detailed or else I'll start getting frustrated when my kids don't let ME get the things I WANT to get done (see how silly and selfish it sounds?  My goal in making a schedule is to take care of my kids in an organized manner... this should reduce stress to I can be a better parent... not give me another excuse to be stressed and selfish!)

I want a few days a week when I don't have to worry about cleaning and/or cooking.  I want a day when I can completely ignore house work to read a book or play with my kids.  I don't want to go grocery shopping more than once a week.  Some things you just have to do every day (dishes) but it doesn't mean you have to stress out about it.  I'm slowly learning to ignore certain things so I can do more important things (yes, I think it is a skill to know when and how to ignore things, even if it's house work!)  For example, I am learning to ignore the dishes in the sink until after the girls are in bed.  No big deal!

So here it is (tentatively).  I did not include my personal daily routine things (like nap time), just my "to-do-at-home" things:

Monday -- grocery shop. cook and freeze left overs
Tuesday -- kitchen. sweep/mop.  vacuum.  Eat freezer meal.
Wednesday -- laundry.  organize.  playgroups.  cook?  baths.  
Thursday -- kitchen.  bathrooms.  Eat freezer meal.  Mom/Dad night out (for visiting/home teaching, girl's night, church meetings etc)
Friday -- sweep. mop. organize. Free time for reading.  Date night?
Saturday -- play with dad day.  take out trash.  vacuum.  baths.
Sunday -- rest.

I have a feeling this will change a lot over the next few weeks, but it's such a relief to have a starting point.

What is your approach to house work and play time?  How do you prioritize what needs to get done and when?  How do you get your kids to help out?

Kellie

I love Kellie.  She has two lovely sons, a busy accountant husband, a new nursing degree (woohoo!! congrats!) and a beautiful countenance.  She's the kind of person that makes you smile just by thinking about her.  That's the kind of person I want to be!  In fact, we like their family so much that we decided to swap children if they end up having another boy and we end up having another girl.  Perfect perfect!  (just kidding... kind of.  Her boys are really cute!!)  I literally laughed out loud at some of her tricks, because they are exactly the kinds of things I need to "let go" a bit.  I especially like her french braid trick at the end ;)  Enjoy!

-As much as I look up to your sister, Jane, for getting up early in the morning to exercise--I just prefer my sleep!  I'm a much better mama after getting a good night's sleep--and I'm not the type to go to bed early either!  So tip #1--get a restful night of sleep!  Your kiddos will thank you!  Confession: My boys are often up before I finally drag myself outta bed--we've taught them to read quietly or watch a show until mama is ready to get up!

-Speaking of exercise, I need it.  Bad!  Not only does it release those fantastic endorphins that can salvage a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day--it offers me a few hours of precious "me" time without feeling guilty because I know the boys are having a swell time in the child care center.  If you don't have a gym membership or a place that offers child care, I highly recommend it!  It has saved my sanity!  Plus the "You have two children?!" comments, that totally boost my self-confidence, are an added bonus!

-Secret stash.  Something for you and something for the kids.  "Boys it's nap/quiet time" is code for "mama needs to eat some cookies that you boys will never know existed." (See my reason for needing exercise?!) A fun little stash for the boys is always a huge hit.  It's not necessarily something sweet all the time, but something that they think is just for them.

-One of my biggest secrets I can't claim, because it was my awesome husb who started it.  Anyway, from the time they were old enough to sass me, instead of him saying, "Don't talk to your mother like that" he says, "don't talk to my wife like that."  Not too long ago, Ethan talked back to me and I overheard Teigan say, "Ethan, that is daddy's wife!  He will be upset if mom tells him!"  Haha!  I especially think this is important to teach your sons, but obviously daughters need to hear this, too!

-M&M's.  I don't discriminate which kind.  Any and all.  They make me nice.

- Because my boys are older, I keep cut up fruit, yogurt, cheese sticks and nuts in the fridge conveniently located at their height.  They love the indepence of being able to grab themselves a quick snack, and it saves me the time of having to do it "right this minute."

-Never underestimate the power of movie time and popcorn with your littles!  When I can tell it's just gonna be one of those days, I pop up some popcorn, lay out a blanket in the living room, let the boys pick a movie and life is suddenly back on track :)

-Like other moms have said, WEAR YOUR CHILDREN OUT during the day!  Makes bedtime a breeze!

-Let your kids DO things!  There have been so many times it would be easier/faster to do myself--but seeing the look on E's face after cracking an egg (even if I have to pick out eggshells from the batter!) is priceless.  And hey, they have to learn those things at some point anyway.  Plus, then they learn how to work.  My boys have been cleaning toilets and dust busting since they were 2 and they love to help me "clean."  This is one of my FAVORITE tips!

-For a cute look in ZERO time, french braid your hair while wet the night before.  Take it out in the morning for fabulous waves! (make sure hair is mostly dry before undoing).


-One more awesome tip: my boys take turns each night cleaning their bathroom. It just so happens one was born on an odd day and the other an even day so if it's an even day it's Teig's turn and Ethan gets odd days (bummer for Ethan on those 31st to 1st months :)) anyway, I keep Clorox wipes and mr clean mirror wipes under their sink and every night before bed they have to clean their own bathroom. I can't even remember the last time I cleaned their bathroom and it always looks spotless! And one less bathroom to clean is sure a time saver!

Janey Pie

Jane is a busy mother of two living and working as a freelance photographer in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.  She calls her business JaneyPie Photography.  With 2 kids under three and a thriving business to manage, you can bet she's one busy woman!  And she is good at what she does.  One of my favorite things about Jane is that she stays cool when life is chaos.  She's good at saying "It's no big deal" -- a phrase I need to use more often, especially in parenting.

Here are some of her favorite tricks:

1. Creating simple Photoshop Actions to make blogging faster and easier.
2. Running in the morning before the day starts
3. Only planning 1-2 activities per day for me & the kids so that I have more free time for them. So that when Halle says, "Will you read this book?" I can drop everything and say "YES!"
4. Having art/crafty projects at the ready to entertain my two-year-old during down time. 
5. Instead of letting myself get mad when Halle is whiny/tired/irritable, I try to take a deep breath and just redirect her attention. Usually if she's upset or getting into trouble, it's because she's bored, not because she's trying to be a bad girl.
6. Using the same bedtime routine every night to help my toddler recognize it's time to calm down and go to bed. For example:  Making up stories at bedtime that always end with, "And then she got soooo tired and her mommy tucked her into bed and said, 'goodnight - I love you'. " which my two-year-old can relate to. It helps her realize she's tired and that it's bedtime.
7. Bedtime is always easier if I wear out my toddler during the day. That means LESS TV and more PLAY TIME. So I try to go outside with her every day. Hopefully we make it to the park or to the swimming pool. Sometimes it's just chalk on the driveway and watering the garden.
8. When we're out on a walk, I let my toddler run next to me until she gets tired. Then she's more willing to sit in the stroller to relax. 
9. Having certain foods on hand for quick easy dinners. For example: I like to always have chicken, black beans, enchilada sauce, and green chiles on hand so that we can have easy soft tacos in a jiffy. Other quick and easy meals include Pancakes & Eggs, Spaghetti & Meat Sauce, Baked BBQ Chicken with instant mashed potatoes, Roast & Vegetables in the crockpot, and Bagel & Egg sandwiches.
10. Purchasing several of the same girly gift items at once for future birthday gifts at the ready. 
11. Making sure that everything in my house has a "place" so that when it's time for cleanup, we can avoid collecting clutter! (Still working on this one)
12. Photographing the 'non-smile' moments that communicate kid's personality instead of waiting for the smile.