We can't be friends... or can we?

Loved this article today!

We can't be friends.

She definitely sounds like the kind of mom I want to be friends with, and the kind of friend I want to be to other moms. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves?

What she doesn't know

Thank you for this amazing post about 3-year-old daughters! I couldn't have said it better myself. (*Tears streaming down my face!*)

What She Doesn't Know

At times I can already feel my little 3-year-old growing up and slipping away. If only I could hold on to special moments like this forever!

DINO-vember

You have probably seen this already, but I enjoyed it too much not to share.

This comic literally made me laugh out loud! The silly things parents do to make their kids happy. 

DINO-vember

I want to be this kind of mom. It doesn't cost any money, but it sparks wonder and makes lasting memories. I can't wait to see the look in Eva's eyes when she thinks her Woody Doll actually came to life during the night...

The Invisible Mother

This week, I struggled to recognize the value I add to our family.  All I could see were my many weaknesses and none of my strengths.  

Then my husband showed me this article, called The Invisible Mother by WhatcomFamilies.com.  It reminded me of what I am working for as a mother, and also what my mother (and my mother-in-law) worked for in raising me and Jeff.  None of the details of our lives of raising children are lost in the eyes of our Heavenly Father, though they often go unnoticed to everyone but Him.  

I couldn't help but think of the many breathtaking monuments we saw during our adventure in Europe this summer.  Though we can't know the names of the creators nor the sacrifices made in the making of these masterpieces, we do know the majesty of their enduring gifts.  

Take a look...

Stonehenge

Roman Baths

Cathedral in Puerto de Mallorca, Spain

Stained glass window in Mallorca, Spain

details on the cathedral in Lucca, Italy. 

Tower of Pisa, Italy

Pisa baptistry, Italy

Colosseum in Rome, Italy

Pantheon in Rome, Italy

inside the Pantheon in Rome, Italy

Unnamed cathedral in Venice, Italy

Doge's Palace in Venice, Italy

Tiled floor of San Marco's Cathedral in Venice, Italy

Rialto bridge in Venice, Italy

Santa Anna's Cathedral in Venice, Italy

Inside Notre Dame Cathedral in Marseilles, France

Salt Lake City Temple in Utah

I believe I am a complex, purposefully constructed cathedral created by my parents both earthly and heavenly.  I also believe that my children are beautiful cathedrals in the making.  No monotonous detail lacks value in the lives of our precious little mini-cathedrals :).

Don't let {Opposite World} get you down!

Oh yes.  There are lots of voices out there that will try to tell you what to think and how to feel, especially when it comes to pregnancy and parenting.  Here's an article that will hopefully lend you the strength to be unapologetic in being "mom"!

Having Babies in Opposite World

I liked this too much not to share...

To Parents of Small Children

I have been thinking a lot about this very topic lately.  I especially like how he encourages parents to stop comparing themselves to the people who write how-to-be the-perfect-parent blogs.  I plan to write a lot more about this topic very soon (the title will be "The Iron Rod does NOT go through the Great and Spacious Building"), but for now I want to remind those who feel desperately inadequate because of the many mommy blogs out there (or facebook, pinterest, magazines, TV, novels etc) that these sources are NOT gospel truths.   They are personal opinions and experiences. Period.

What is truth?  Scriptures, patriarchal blessings, spiritual affirmations, general conference talks, direction from priesthood authorities, and family relationships.

The reason why I feel so strongly about this is because I also struggle with comparing myself to others, especially when it comes to parenting.  I think everyone does to a certain extent.  The good thing is that if you're struggle with comparing, it probably means you really care about your kids.  A LOT.  Which is the most important thing in parenting anyway :)

New Year's Resolutions for Parents

Yes, more awesome articles from SW Parents.

I like this one because it helps keep our goals as parents in perspective.  It is so easy to get overwhelmed by all the "good" resolutions we mothers make year after year -- cook more healthy/delicious dinners, read more to my kids, spend less money, read my scriptures and write in my journal every day, lose weight/exercise, clean out the closets/drawers/garage, finish all my sewing/house projects, learn a new skill, drink more water, be a better visiting teacher, magnify my calling, attend book group/cooking group/exercise group more often, etc etc etc... we could make a new goal for every day of the year.  (And most of us do make new goals every day!)  I don't think our kids will remember whether or not we kept our New Year's Resolutions every year.  I think they will remember that you were there for them, day in and day out, during their entire life.  As long as we are keeping that one goal, you can give yourself a pat on the back.

Making goals is good.  But getting down on yourself for not achieving every single goal is not good.  The important thing in life is progress.  It can be very difficult to see your own progress, so it's easy to be disappointed in yourself about not accomplishing your many goals.  The good thing is that Jesus Christ is patient with us, so we should be patient with ourselves too :).  He doesn't expect us to be perfect.  In fact, our weaknesses play an important role in our lives.  (Don't you think He could have made us perfect in the first place if He wanted us that way?)

This article is also very good.  It has some simple goals that can make a big difference.  (little work + big difference = efficiency.  I'm all about efficiency, people!)

So hug your kids, hug yourself, and have a Happy and Productive New Year, everybody!

School Lunch - Made Easy

It's October and school is in full swing.  Getting bored of making school lunches yet?  My friend Ashlee submitted this awesome link about making school lunches more fun and more convenient:

lunch box cheat sheet

I love it!  Even though I don't have school-aged kids yet, I still use this cheat sheet from time to time.  I included the list here...

lunch box cheat sheet

Tips

• Place a frozen juice box in your kids’ lunchbox. – it’ll keep the food chilled and will be thawed by lunchtime.
• Go for variety. Make sandwiches using whole grain tortillas, bagels or pitas.
• Pack antibacterial wet wipes so your kids can clean their hands before and after eating.
• Add grated veggies to sandwiches and wraps for crunch – your kids won’t notice they’re eating something that’s good for them!
• Use small resealable bags to pack dressings. Kids can open one corner and simply squeeze onto salad, then discard.
• Get dipping! Pack salsa, hummus, yogurt or salad dressing for your little ones to dunk their sandwich, veggies or fruit into.
• Make bite-sized and mini versions of regular foods like sandwiches. They work well for small appetites and are more likely to be eaten.
• Add a quick note to say good luck on a test or “I love you” – it will brighten your child’s day.

This is a great list.  Looking back, now I know why mom my mom used to put a frozen juice box and ranch dressing in my lunch.  I loved how my drink turned into a slushy, and dipping my carrots in ranch dressing made me feel pretty cool.

Did you know that kids LIKE hummus?  It's so healthy!  I can get my toddler to eat so many vegetables as longs as I have hummus around (and if we run out of veggies, we eat the hummus with a spoon).  My favorite hummus recipe is this:


Easy Blender Hummus

1 can garbanzo beans (save liquid)

1 clove garlic

2 tsp cumin

1-2 Tbs peanut butter

splash of lemon juice (optional)

Put all ingredients in a blender and turn it on low.  While blending, slowly add saved liquid into the blender until you reach the desired consistency (I use about 2/3 of the liquid).  Serve with bell peppers, carrots, cucumbers, pita chips, cauliflower etc.  


Speaking from personal experience, I love the convenience of disposable resealable bags.  For $2, you can get 100 tidy sandwich bags that can be used for so many things!  I like to put partially used food items (like onions, bananas, avocados etc) in the bags and stick them in the fridge.  Then I re-use the bag if it's still good later.  I'm all about cheap convenience.

Another tip I recently started using (and I'm probably the last mom in the world to try this one) is frozen Go-Gurt.  It turns into a delicious push-up popsicle!  Yeah, it's not the most healthy snack, but it's a perfect treat for a toddler who doesn't know the difference between ice cream and frozen yogurt :)

Be sure to browse the rest of the kraft.com website!  There are lots of ideas about healthy and easy lunch ideas.  Another little gem is this page:

cooking skills by age

Some days you just want your kids out of the kitchen.  But other times it can be enriching to let your kids "help out" a little bit.  And I bet that your kids will remember those special moments when you let them have the extra freedom, even if it means a bit more work for you.  In fact, here is a list of easy recipes your kids will enjoy making and eating:

kids can cook

One last tip.  We recently had to clear out one of our cabinets for a new dishwasher.  Well, the dishwasher didn't happen as punctually as we thought it would, so the empty cabinet naturally became a secret hideout for my 2-year-old.  And it's hilarious.  And it's convenient.  So when I need some space, I can send her to the secret hideout with a little snack and her favorite toy.  Works almost every time.  It has been so fun that I'm almost sad to install the dishwasher.  (Almost.  After all, it's a DISHWASHER.)  I think I'll just empty out a different cabinet so we don't lose the secret hideout when the dishwasher comes in next week :)

What are your favorite lunch time tricks?

Teaching Kids to Work

Submitted by Ashlee --

This is a chore chart we instituted several weeks ago in response to a truly horrible day.
I had reached a breaking point with uncooperative and lazy attitudes.

The chore chart works thusly: First thing in the morning I write down what chores need to be done. After breakfast the boys must accomplish their list of chores before any play. You will notice there are 3 boxes to check off. This is to address the particular problems we had been experiencing.
The first is to indicate that the chore just plain old got done... I always inspect their work to make sure that things were done properly.
The second is for staying on task (ie. I shouldn't have to tell you to "keep cleaning!" 20,000 times before the job is actually finished. I don't actually enjoy being a nag!)
The third box is for having a good attitude. Any whining, fighting, complaining, eye rolling, huffing or other like behavior is not permitted. You are part of a family. We all contribute to the cleanliness and happiness of this home.
If they get an "O," in any of their boxes I assign an additional chore so that they may try again.

Things have vastly improved since we started doing chores this way.
The boys are great little workers and their help has genuinely helped me keep the house cleaner. I give them chores that actually need to be done!
It's given me the chance to teach them loads of new and necessary skills and I have been surprised by what they are actually capable of accomplishing. They can sort laundry, clean all the different parts of a bathroom, pick up entire rooms, put dishes away, dust, wipe, organize... all kinds of things!
We genuinely have a good time working together each morning, and I am hopeful that they are learning good lessons like: Work before play, etc.

The system has been in place long enough now that it is simply an expectation. We have much, much less push-back when I tell them what they are doing, and they even seem to be proud of the job well done!

OTHER THINGS I HAVE FOUND THAT HAVE HELPED:
*** Listen to Music While you Clean.  It's the "Whistle While You Work," principle.  Everything is easier when you have a song to work to!  It makes the whole house feel different and happier.  I have a Pandora Station with Disney music that they like, CD's with Children's Music, or sometimes I just put on "Mom," Music - making sure I choose something uplifting and peppy.***

***Properly Teach your Children What you Expect.  Showing them how to properly get something done by modeling the chore first, and then staying with them as they do it themselves for the first few times alone is key.  They need to know exactly what is expected of them and how the job is to be done.  This helps prevent future arguing or having to go back and do something again.  It also shows that you care enough to spend time teaching them and helping them succeed.***

***Do Your Own Chores at the Same Time.  I like to be working in other areas of the house when my kids are doing a chore that they have mastered.  I think this shows them a few things.  First, that I trust them in their abilities to accomplish what I assigned.  Second, that I am not asking them to do something that I am not doing myself.  Third, it gives me the opportunity to show them that I enjoy working and getting things done.  I hope my example of working without complaining, enjoying the work, and enjoying my finished product will rub off on them.  How can I expect them to not complain if they see me complaining?***

***Think About What You Hope To Teach Before Setting the System.  You have seen how me and my husband set up our chore system... this may or may not be a good way for YOU to do it.  We had specific problems that we were trying to address and specific things we were trying to teach.  What YOUR goals are should determine how you do it in your home.  IE- Do you pay your children for their chores or not?  Do you set a specific time each day to clean or not?  Do you work all together as a team on one job or do you divide and conquer?... There are no "right," answers to these questions, it's all about what you are hoping to teach.***

***Praise Your Children and Thank Them for a Job Well Done.  Give a hug.  Say "Thank You."  Do a high five.  Admire and praise their work.  Play a game together afterwards.  Do SOMETHING to show them that you appreciate their efforts.  Children have the same needs as adults to feel accepted and appreciated!***

***Split up Bickering/Easily Distracted Kids.  This may sound simple but it took me a minute to figure out!  I have learned that for my 2 boys we are doomed from the get go if they are working together on a task.  They inevitably do one of 2 things: Fight about who is doing the work and who is slacking off.  OR... Forget the job altogether and play.  Having them work on separate tasks in different areas of our home sure helps!

***Stick with it Because IT MATTERS!  Some days no matter what tricks you pull out of your hat it just doesn't go well.  I know sometimes I think "This would be so much easier to just DO MYSELF!!!" But we can't stop.  I want my children to someday be responsible men and contributing fathers.  The only way they will learn is by consistency and love.  When I get tempted to quit I remember this quote by Julie B. Beck from her General Conference Talk "Mother's Who Know.":

"Mothers who know are nurturers. This is their special assignment and role under the plan of happiness.⁵ To nurture means to cultivate, care for, and make grow. Therefore, mothers who know create a climate for spiritual and temporal growth in their homes. Another word for nurturing is homemaking. Homemaking includes cooking, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping an orderly home. Home is where women have the most power and influence; therefore, Latter-day Saint women should be the best homemakers in the world. Working beside children in homemaking tasks creates opportunities to teach and model qualities children should emulate. Nurturing mothers are knowledgeable, but all the education women attain will avail them nothing if they do not have the skill to make a home that creates a climate for spiritual growth. Growth happens best in a “house of order,” and women should pattern their homes after the Lord’s house (see D&C 109). Nurturing requires organization, patience, love, and work. Helping growth occur through nurturing is truly a powerful and influential role bestowed on women."

That's what it's all about!

A Story Before Bed.

This experience comes from my sister Jane:

I just put Halle to bed. It is 10:00pm and she is very tired. She asks me so sweetly if I will snuggle her. I consent. She is asleep within minutes.

I leave the room and go back to my desk to fill out a consensus booklet. My private self hates filling out all of this information and sending it to the government, even though they probably already have this information on file. Suddenly, my concentration is broken by Halle shouting, "Mother! Mother! (pause) Mother!"

I return to her room with a smile on my face. I get such a kick out of her grown-up words. She's in her bed. She says, "I was scared. And when I'm scared, I just need some milk." 

I leave, and return again with a small, blue, plastic IKEA cup full of milk. After 2 sips, she hands it back, smiles, and quietly says, "Thank you. That was deli-suss. I love you so much," followed by a big hug around the neck. She is so sweet and sleepy that I can hardly contain my grin. I feel so much love for this little grown-up child.

I ask if I can snuggle some more. She settles in to bed and embraces her Nemo fish (a gift from exactly one year ago). Then her imagination kicks into gear. She says, "My nemo was on my swimsuit, and now he's HERE! in my arms! He was swimming, but now he came back to me. (insert quiet smooch)." It's completely dark in her room, but I can just imagine her eyes shut so tight as she kisses the stuffed Nemo fish in her arms. She lives each moment so genuinely.

Then she POPS up in bed and says, "I forgot the food! My tummy isn't happy. It's still sad and mad. I need pickles and meat and cheese. Then my tummy will be happy."

I guess it's been too long since dinner and she's hungry again. Oh well. She's now sitting next to her father at the kitchen table as he finishes up homework and reading assignments from the first day of the new semester. It's mid-August and unbelievably humid outside. So humid that our windows fog up in the mornings and I'm soaked after a short early morning jog. But despite the heat and the late nights, life is good.

Life is so good.

After a few minutes of snacking and chatting with her father about "land use and planning" (boring!) it is officially time for bed. I climb in next to her one more time and say goodnight. Then she perks up again and says, "No wait! My tummy is still mad. and sad. and crying. forever and ever! And I am crying for you and I will say Mother! Mother! because my tummy is sick.

All the while, she is stroking my cheek and tucking a stray hair behind my ear. Then she pauses and says, "I love you so much." with a kiss on my forehead. 

I ask, "Really?"

"Rilly."

I lay there without moving. Her hand on my wrist. Her breath like a gentle wind on my forehead. And within moments, she is again asleep. 

Heaven is close to my heart tonight.

Rachel's Tips: Part 1

I have been excited to share this post for a long time.  Rachel is one of my dear friends.  When I first met her, I had a newborn baby and was struggling with my identity as a mom.  Rachel was pregnant with her 2nd boy, had big responsibilities at church, and still managed to serve people around her.  You could tell by looking at her that she is sweet, humble and confident.  I admit that I was intimidated by her goodness.  I wanted to be a mom like her, but I thought "A girl like Rachel would never be friends with a girl like me".  How quickly she resolved that problem!  She now has 2 boys and is expecting a baby girl in December.  What a cute family! 

When I asked her to participate in FB&FM, she took her time to ponder what advice she could offer as a mom.  This is part 1 of what will be several posts, which I am very excited about :).  I have been thinking about this advice for some time now, and it has helped me realize the way I am portraying myself to my kids on a daily basis.  I want my kids to believe that it is my greatest joy to take care of them -- not my greatest burden.  What an important way to establish confidence and emotional stability in their young lives!  I especially like the last few lines: "they hopefully get the message that I am the mom and there isn't anything they can throw at me that I can't calmly deal with." Anyway, enough from me.  Here is what Rachel has to say:

Make my children believe that they are easy to be taken care of

I am the mom who is always seeking advice, or mommy tricks, from other moms so I've had a hard time coming up with something of my own to share. However, after a little thought, I remembered something that helps me keep it together--mentally--when I'm about. To pull. My hair. Out. Because sometimes I am despite how much I love my kids and my job (mothering).

So, on to one of my "french braids and freezer meals".

I try to make my children believe that they are EASY to take care of by believing, myself, that they are easy to take care of. It sounds kind of manipulative but I don't like to think of it that way. It's a frame of mind for me that keeps me sane, and it's a message, I can show through my example, that transfers to my kids and magically--or so it seems--they ARE EASY(er) to take care of. (Whether they are easier or whether it's just my frame of mind, if it makes my life easier and happier, I'll take it.)

Believing and showing my kids that they are easy to take care of can be very hard to do when I've heard the ump-teenth "why?" of the day (my son is 4). Or when I'm trying to make dinner and my boys are under my legs, screaming and crying, and asking for snacks and treats. Or when my son has colored outside of the lines and wants me to print out another Bob the Builder coloring page--the 5th in 10 minutes--because it has to be perfect.

These are examples of times (and they all happened today) that my children do things that frankly annoy me (can I say that?). They're not hurting anyone, and they're not necessarily being disrespectful. They're just being kids. But, at those times I don't feel like responding in the most loving way. I want to respond in a desperate way. I want to roll my eyes, use a frustrated tone, tell them to "Be quiet!" or even beg, "Just give me ten (boo-hoo) minutes!"

Doing those things sends my kids the message that they are HARD to take care of and maybe that I don't really enjoy taking care of them, which is far from the truth, and a message I do not want to send them. At those frustrating times, what I try to do is:

• Catch myself getting annoyed (before I blow up or behave like a child myself).
• Remember that they are just kids and I'm the "mature adult".
• Take a deep breath, smile at them, and calmly offer my help, "What do you need?" 

*At this point my child is usually still frustrated or throwing a tantrum and makes the request in a childish way. Surprise, surprise. Despite my frazzled nerves I stay calm.

• I smile at my child or show empathy (hold, hug, kiss). Do you think they're getting the message that they are easy to take care of/I know what I'm doing?
• I tell myself, "this is easy; I can be the responsible adult".
• My mentality is: I can show him by my example that I can deal calmly with frustrating situations (even if he's the one making this a frustrating situation). 

At this point my response to the request, or the consequence of my child's behavior is determined by the situation and the rules of our house (e.g. I normally wouldn't let my kids have treats or snacks while I'm preparing dinner, even if they do calm down and ask kindly). I use my parental discretion--and you can, too.

But, whatever I do choose to do, I show confidence and love in my decision. That way, even if my kids aren't happy with what I've decided they hopefully get the message that I am the mom and there isn't anything they can throw at me that I can't calmly deal with.

Taking care of them is--becomes--EASY.

Changes?

I have been thinking a lot about parenting and what I hope people get out of this blog.  I want this to be a place for moms to come to find ideas and feel appreciated.  I want this to be uplifting and never discouraging.  I want this to be a source of clarity and stress-relief.  Because of these goals, I think I'll re-focus my structure.  Originally I wanted to have a theme for every month and focus every post on that theme.  Now that this blog is up and running, I find that I would rather go with the flow because I so enjoy learning about everyone's individual approaches to parenting.

So let's scrap the "theme" idea and just have a good old-fashioned discussion!

On that note, let's talk about schedules.  If I were to describe myself and my approach to parenting/homemaking, I would say I'm pretty relaxed.  Some things are just not worth stressing over (especially when you have little kids).  In fact, the idea of giving myself deadlines in parenting/homemaking stresses me out!  It frustrates me when I don't get something done that I had every intention of accomplishing... just because life got in the way.

So instead of giving myself a schedule, I decided to give myself a general daily routine and to-do list.  It includes things like exercising, going to the store, putting kids down for naps, taking a shower, making dinner, etc.  It seems to work pretty well for me.  But the routine is basically the same for every day.  And because I try to hit all the big things on my to-do list, all the little things that need to get done start stressing me out.  Things like sweeping the floor, folding the laundry, doing the dishes, playing with my kids etc.  I try to fit them in whenever I have a moment of downtime... which sometimes NEVER happens.  And since it's impossible to do everything during nap time which sometimes doesn't happen, I start getting stressed.

Then I decided to set a day for doing laundry -- Wednesday -- so that every time I start stressing out over laundry I can tell myself "It's OK, I'll do it on Wednesday.  I can worry about something else right now."  And so far, it's working pretty darn well.  Who knew that making a schedule and setting a deadline could actually reduce stress instead of increase it?  (probably everyone but me, but I finally figured it out for myself).

So I'm trying a new approach.  I think I need a schedule, even though that word scares me a little bit.   But I can't make it too detailed or else I'll start getting frustrated when my kids don't let ME get the things I WANT to get done (see how silly and selfish it sounds?  My goal in making a schedule is to take care of my kids in an organized manner... this should reduce stress to I can be a better parent... not give me another excuse to be stressed and selfish!)

I want a few days a week when I don't have to worry about cleaning and/or cooking.  I want a day when I can completely ignore house work to read a book or play with my kids.  I don't want to go grocery shopping more than once a week.  Some things you just have to do every day (dishes) but it doesn't mean you have to stress out about it.  I'm slowly learning to ignore certain things so I can do more important things (yes, I think it is a skill to know when and how to ignore things, even if it's house work!)  For example, I am learning to ignore the dishes in the sink until after the girls are in bed.  No big deal!

So here it is (tentatively).  I did not include my personal daily routine things (like nap time), just my "to-do-at-home" things:

Monday -- grocery shop. cook and freeze left overs
Tuesday -- kitchen. sweep/mop.  vacuum.  Eat freezer meal.
Wednesday -- laundry.  organize.  playgroups.  cook?  baths.  
Thursday -- kitchen.  bathrooms.  Eat freezer meal.  Mom/Dad night out (for visiting/home teaching, girl's night, church meetings etc)
Friday -- sweep. mop. organize. Free time for reading.  Date night?
Saturday -- play with dad day.  take out trash.  vacuum.  baths.
Sunday -- rest.

I have a feeling this will change a lot over the next few weeks, but it's such a relief to have a starting point.

What is your approach to house work and play time?  How do you prioritize what needs to get done and when?  How do you get your kids to help out?

From the Editor

Hi friends!  You already know what my top two favorite tricks are (take a look at the title of the blog) but I have a few more up my sleeve.  Here it goes!


entertaining toddlers:
- Rescue Pack -- Before my second daughter was born, I made a "rescue pack" of fun activities for my toddler to play with to give me some time to focus on my new baby.  It has bubbles, playdough, markers, craft sticks, paints, stickers and paper.  It has been very helpful, especially when other kids come over.
- Sing & Dance movies and educational movies --  I know what experts say... no TV under the age of 2 and only half an hour a week after (or something like that).  But I have a hard time saying no to a movie if it helps my daughter learn the alphabet or if she's singing and dancing the whole time the TV is on.  Obviously she isn't just vegging in front of the TV.  She's learning something, and I'm getting something done, so it's worth it to me.  Our favorites are The Wiggles and Brainy Baby.  Now we have several songs and dances we like to do together!
- Cheap works-almost-every-time outdoor toys -- sand/water table with bubbles.  Spray bottle.  Pink broom/dust bin.  Sidewalk chalk.  Watering pail.  My mom used to tell me to go "paint the sidewalk" and it always did the trick!
- When (before) all else fails, play with your toddler! -- I have found that when I play with Eva for awhile, she loves it, then she gets tired of me, and then she wants to play by herself.  Cooking and cleaning can usually wait for awhile, and it's worth it when she finally decides to play by herself.  Plus, I always feel better about myself and my relationships when I spend some quality one-on-one time with my little girls, even if I'm in the middle of making dinner.


new baby:
-  portable bouncer -- best $12 we ever spent!  It's so nice to be able to put the baby down in a safe, comfortable seat at a moment's notice, especially when there is another baby running around the house who often needs immediate attention.  We use the bouncer all the time.  Ours has a vibrating option and some hanging toys that the baby loves.  Sometimes it's the only place I can put her down where she will actually stay asleep.
-  find a pacifier that works -- if at first you don't succeed, try try again.


mommy rejuvination:
-  If you can, make one room in the house completely off limits --  It's so nice to have a place that you don't have to worry about child proofing. Use a child proof door knob and a baby gate if necessary.  I use both.  My bedroom is my sanctuary because it actually stays as clean or as messy as I want it.
-  Give yourself some time at the start of the day -- Even if it's just 5 minutes.  I like to make the bed, put on clothes, brush my hair, and wash my face before I go get the kids out of bed.  I'm less likely to be impatient with my kids because I'm not preoccupied with getting away to take care of myself.


fashion:
- French braids :)

- Knit tops that don't require an under shirt + a flowy, knee-length skirt -- It's always a cute combination!  This makes it easy to stay cool on a hot summer day, and that by itself makes me a nicer mom.  It's also easy to pick an outfit, nurse a baby, and change clothes in case of a mess.

- Long skirts for church --  Thankfully, they're back in style!  Long skirts means you don't have to shave your legs or wear pantyhose. Hallelujah!

what to do when you're at the end of you're rope:
- As a very wise person once told me (or rather, my very wise mother often tells me), "learn to fuzz your brain".  I think it's her way of saying be OK with letting go of control and stress for awhile.  Just ignore it. Honestly, I didn't understand "fuzz your brain" when she first told me many years ago.  But now that I'm a mom, it is some of the best advice she has ever given me.
- Remember that someday the kids will grow up, and you will look back on these days with fondness.  Here is what Thomas S. Monson has to say on this topic:

"If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly.

Stresses in our lives come regardless of our circumstances. We must deal with them the best we can. But we should not let them get in the way of what is most important—and what is most important almost always involves the people around us. Often we assume that they must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know. Wrote William Shakespeare, “They do not love that do not show their love.” ³ We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us."  - Thomas S. Monson, Finding Joy in the Journey, October 2008 General Conference 

battling the blues:
- take a long bath
- eat a hamburger and a big side of vegetables (red meat has iron and veggies are great anti-inflamatory foods  --  great for an energy boost and feeling good about yourself) or a big green smoothie with spinach, orange juice and your favorite frozen fruits.
- take a nap in the sun, or go for a walk (alone) and sit on a sunny bench for awhile.

Alysa's 5 Musical Tips

My friend Alysa is pretty darn cool.  She is the mother of 2 sweet boys.  She's well read and blogs about her favorite books at everead.blogspot.com.  She hosts an interactive music class for kids every week called Kindermusik (and the kids love it!)  And she's the kind of person you love to hang out with on girl's night because brings out your silly side while holding a real conversation.  One of my favorite moments with Alysa was when we were in a playroom together watching our kids go crazy.  When her younger son started fussing, she took him on an elaborate and exciting tour of the tiny room (a 10'x10' square).  I was intrigued by it!  She was making everything up on the fly (her description of the slide was an old mansion built in the 1920's for wealthy cowboys... or something like that) and I loved how she took something so ordinary and made it exciting everyone, herself included.  I could definitely use some help making ordinary days a bit more exciting.  

I was trilled when I read her tips on making music a part of everyday family life.  Speaking from personal experience with music, I would LOVE it if my children learned to appreciate music from the hearth at a young age.  Hope you enjoy it as much as I did!  

Five Tips for Using Music to Make Life Easier

Hello, all! Emily asked me to post about how to get your little kids involved in music. Of course the first thing I thought of was that they could take a music class from me, but that is hardly practical advice for everyone who will see this. So, no matter where you live, here are my five tips (with bonus Pro tip and music recommendations)!

1. Signal Songs

In our house, we pray as a family at least four times a day. When we had only one child, we could just snatch him up and help him still his hands for the prayer. With two mobile now, we've resorted to a song for our signal. 

When you use a song as a signal, it gives your kids time to do what you're asking of them.  Instead of repeating, "Come to the table. Sit down. Fold your arms," we sing our song and it means all of those things. We don't have to repeat ourselves because we're saying all of that the whole time we sing. For the first few weeks, Jacob would invite someone to say the prayer immediately after our song ended, regardless of where the kids were. This showed them we were serious and the prayer was going to happen right after the song. Now, they're almost always ready by the time the song is done.

Another signal song I use (though not as frequently) is a folk song "Come, Follow" that I learned by teaching Kindermusik. It gets us out the door or all walking on our way somewhere. At a family reunion a few years ago I learned a signal song my great-grandmother had used for getting up in the morning. You could have a signal song for climbing into bed, buckling your seat belt, clearing your plate, or whatever you need. The possibilities are endless.

2. Extender Songs

There are times when my toddler has asked for a drink of water and as I stand to go get the cup, find the lid, make sure the water's not boiling out of the faucet and so forth, he is repeating at an increasing speed and pitch, "Drinkwater! DRINKwater!" It can be annoying, to say the least. 

This is when I sing The Patience Song. Jacob brought this song to our parenting from his own childhood experience. It tells my son "even though I'm turning my back, I still remember when you asked me to do. I'm going right now to do it. When I'm done singing, you will have your drink." I don't have to keep up a constant stream of chatter, or hear "drinkwater" incessantly. 

I also sing a song while changing diapers. When you're halfway through and you just need a few more seconds to finish up, it can be tempting to take a harsh tone. But everyone is so much happier when the shocking thing you do to make the baby look is not yelling but singing. We made up a diaper song with our older son and it has been great fun. It always starts the same way, but on the last line we just say whatever comes to mind. This makes it easy to make it just one second longer if need be. 

Pro tip: When you use a song as an extender, time your beginning so that when the song ends unpleasantness also ends. If your song is done and they are still waiting, the song will lose its power.  

3. Scaffolding with music

When kids are just learning all the noises they can make, sometimes they pick the most annoying ones to repeat. Over and over and over. Yes, a fire truck says wee-oh-wee-oh-wee-oh but it usually drives away as it does. Not the case for a toddler who wants to play in the same room as mom. I've found to say, "change that" is better than saying "stop that."

I like to find the musical principles in what the child is doing (such as high or low voice, loud or soft voice, steady beat and repetition) then ask him to change just slightly. "Ooh, fire trucks also honk now and then! Try that! Wee-oh-wee-oh baah baah!" or "You're making your voice is so high! Now can you say the same thing with your voice down lowwww?" It changes things just enough that my brain isn't about to explode anymore and it has the added bonus of teaching kids more about music. 

Teaching kids in this way -- stepping in briefly to suggest a small modification -- is called scaffolding and it is fantastic. 

4. Improving literacy with music 

I don't know about you, but I make up songs all the time. Especially when I'm tired. My brain just switches into song-mode. I've been known to sing entire conversations. It's like my brain is kaput and in order to do anything it has to have music to help it along. You've probably already heard that music is great for our brains.

Songs stand out and help us remember things. Try making up a song to teach your little one a new word, or to answer your child when he asks a question that he has asked before. 

Songs help us divide words into chunks. Typical songs have one note per syllable, and the ability to divide words into syllables is an indicator of reading readiness. Rhyming (common in song) is also helpful when learning to read and write. 

5. Mood enhancement through music 

Often, Jacob will come home from work and turn on music. It is like magic: we will all get a second wind and have energy to make dinner and clean up. (And why didn't I think of this earlier? I will say to myself.)  At night, we calm down with music, singing songs to the boys once they're tucked in -- and we've had to cap it at three otherwise we're in there all night. These nighttime songs are almost signal songs, since they tell the boys to settle in for the night, but they change nightly.

When my son started preschool, we carpooled with an adorable little boy. About halfway through our first ride he asked me to turn on some "kids' music." I love listening to music while I drive; and in our car the driver gets to choose the music. "This is kid music," I said. In my opinion, any wholesome music is kids music, and there is no bad language or thematically inappropriate content in any music I listen to. Ergo, my kids listen to what I like. I'm sure as they grow they'll introduce me to new things, but for now, we listen to the music mom and dad love. I don't buy low-quality, oversimplified, annoying "kids' music" that I don't want to listen to. 

That said, here are three albums marketed as kids albums that Jacob and I love: 

• Laura Viers' Tumblebee, 
• Medeski Martin & Wood's Let's Go Everywhere, 
• The Barenaked Ladies' Snacktime. 

What do you think? Is there a tip you would add to this list? Which of these are you most likely to try? And seriously, if you're looking for a music class for a babe age 0-5, email me at alysastewart@gmail.com 

Kellie

I love Kellie.  She has two lovely sons, a busy accountant husband, a new nursing degree (woohoo!! congrats!) and a beautiful countenance.  She's the kind of person that makes you smile just by thinking about her.  That's the kind of person I want to be!  In fact, we like their family so much that we decided to swap children if they end up having another boy and we end up having another girl.  Perfect perfect!  (just kidding... kind of.  Her boys are really cute!!)  I literally laughed out loud at some of her tricks, because they are exactly the kinds of things I need to "let go" a bit.  I especially like her french braid trick at the end ;)  Enjoy!

-As much as I look up to your sister, Jane, for getting up early in the morning to exercise--I just prefer my sleep!  I'm a much better mama after getting a good night's sleep--and I'm not the type to go to bed early either!  So tip #1--get a restful night of sleep!  Your kiddos will thank you!  Confession: My boys are often up before I finally drag myself outta bed--we've taught them to read quietly or watch a show until mama is ready to get up!

-Speaking of exercise, I need it.  Bad!  Not only does it release those fantastic endorphins that can salvage a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day--it offers me a few hours of precious "me" time without feeling guilty because I know the boys are having a swell time in the child care center.  If you don't have a gym membership or a place that offers child care, I highly recommend it!  It has saved my sanity!  Plus the "You have two children?!" comments, that totally boost my self-confidence, are an added bonus!

-Secret stash.  Something for you and something for the kids.  "Boys it's nap/quiet time" is code for "mama needs to eat some cookies that you boys will never know existed." (See my reason for needing exercise?!) A fun little stash for the boys is always a huge hit.  It's not necessarily something sweet all the time, but something that they think is just for them.

-One of my biggest secrets I can't claim, because it was my awesome husb who started it.  Anyway, from the time they were old enough to sass me, instead of him saying, "Don't talk to your mother like that" he says, "don't talk to my wife like that."  Not too long ago, Ethan talked back to me and I overheard Teigan say, "Ethan, that is daddy's wife!  He will be upset if mom tells him!"  Haha!  I especially think this is important to teach your sons, but obviously daughters need to hear this, too!

-M&M's.  I don't discriminate which kind.  Any and all.  They make me nice.

- Because my boys are older, I keep cut up fruit, yogurt, cheese sticks and nuts in the fridge conveniently located at their height.  They love the indepence of being able to grab themselves a quick snack, and it saves me the time of having to do it "right this minute."

-Never underestimate the power of movie time and popcorn with your littles!  When I can tell it's just gonna be one of those days, I pop up some popcorn, lay out a blanket in the living room, let the boys pick a movie and life is suddenly back on track :)

-Like other moms have said, WEAR YOUR CHILDREN OUT during the day!  Makes bedtime a breeze!

-Let your kids DO things!  There have been so many times it would be easier/faster to do myself--but seeing the look on E's face after cracking an egg (even if I have to pick out eggshells from the batter!) is priceless.  And hey, they have to learn those things at some point anyway.  Plus, then they learn how to work.  My boys have been cleaning toilets and dust busting since they were 2 and they love to help me "clean."  This is one of my FAVORITE tips!

-For a cute look in ZERO time, french braid your hair while wet the night before.  Take it out in the morning for fabulous waves! (make sure hair is mostly dry before undoing).


-One more awesome tip: my boys take turns each night cleaning their bathroom. It just so happens one was born on an odd day and the other an even day so if it's an even day it's Teig's turn and Ethan gets odd days (bummer for Ethan on those 31st to 1st months :)) anyway, I keep Clorox wipes and mr clean mirror wipes under their sink and every night before bed they have to clean their own bathroom. I can't even remember the last time I cleaned their bathroom and it always looks spotless! And one less bathroom to clean is sure a time saver!

Janey Pie

Jane is a busy mother of two living and working as a freelance photographer in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.  She calls her business JaneyPie Photography.  With 2 kids under three and a thriving business to manage, you can bet she's one busy woman!  And she is good at what she does.  One of my favorite things about Jane is that she stays cool when life is chaos.  She's good at saying "It's no big deal" -- a phrase I need to use more often, especially in parenting.

Here are some of her favorite tricks:

1. Creating simple Photoshop Actions to make blogging faster and easier.
2. Running in the morning before the day starts
3. Only planning 1-2 activities per day for me & the kids so that I have more free time for them. So that when Halle says, "Will you read this book?" I can drop everything and say "YES!"
4. Having art/crafty projects at the ready to entertain my two-year-old during down time. 
5. Instead of letting myself get mad when Halle is whiny/tired/irritable, I try to take a deep breath and just redirect her attention. Usually if she's upset or getting into trouble, it's because she's bored, not because she's trying to be a bad girl.
6. Using the same bedtime routine every night to help my toddler recognize it's time to calm down and go to bed. For example:  Making up stories at bedtime that always end with, "And then she got soooo tired and her mommy tucked her into bed and said, 'goodnight - I love you'. " which my two-year-old can relate to. It helps her realize she's tired and that it's bedtime.
7. Bedtime is always easier if I wear out my toddler during the day. That means LESS TV and more PLAY TIME. So I try to go outside with her every day. Hopefully we make it to the park or to the swimming pool. Sometimes it's just chalk on the driveway and watering the garden.
8. When we're out on a walk, I let my toddler run next to me until she gets tired. Then she's more willing to sit in the stroller to relax. 
9. Having certain foods on hand for quick easy dinners. For example: I like to always have chicken, black beans, enchilada sauce, and green chiles on hand so that we can have easy soft tacos in a jiffy. Other quick and easy meals include Pancakes & Eggs, Spaghetti & Meat Sauce, Baked BBQ Chicken with instant mashed potatoes, Roast & Vegetables in the crockpot, and Bagel & Egg sandwiches.
10. Purchasing several of the same girly gift items at once for future birthday gifts at the ready. 
11. Making sure that everything in my house has a "place" so that when it's time for cleanup, we can avoid collecting clutter! (Still working on this one)
12. Photographing the 'non-smile' moments that communicate kid's personality instead of waiting for the smile.