What she doesn't know

Thank you for this amazing post about 3-year-old daughters! I couldn't have said it better myself. (*Tears streaming down my face!*)

What She Doesn't Know

At times I can already feel my little 3-year-old growing up and slipping away. If only I could hold on to special moments like this forever!

To Moms: From Kid President

I got this link from one of our FB&FM contributors, Alysa. This is something I could hear everyday!

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President. 

The kid in this video is just TOO cute. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did :). 

To moms of one or two children

My genius husband hooked me up with yet another great article!  Read it here. This article has given me the boost I need to love my kids a little more every day, by reminding the right perspective on parenting: letting go and trusting our Heavenly Father.

My favorite passage from this article:

I need God more.

I need Him in the morning. At noon. And at night. I need Him to wipe my tears when my baby won't let me sleep at night. I need Him to calm my heart when I'm changing bed sheets at 2am. I need Him to keep my children safe because I only have two hands and one set of eyes and crossing a parking lot means holding on tight but it also means letting go of "I can do this, I can do this" and trading it for "God, You are with me and You love them, too."

I need His patience. 
I need His joy.
I need His love.

Modest is Hottest?

I heard that phrase at least a million times as I was growing up.  Honestly, hearing it always irked me a little bit, but I didn't know exactly why.  I think this article sums it up beautifully.

Modest is Hottest? by Beauty Redefined

I would love to hear your thoughts! 

Amanda

Amanda and I go way back.  We knew each other before having babies, before college graduation, and even before marrying our husbands.  She was one of the first people I told when Jeff and I started dating seriously.  I have seen Amanda during some of the happiest times of her life, and also durring some of the hardest moments of her life.  And yet, through thick and thin, her countenance never stops beaming her testimony and JOY of the gospel.  It is really wonderful to see her example.

Amanda is hard working and a very talented musician.  She makes friends easily and keeps them FOREVER.  She has a fantastic smile that makes you feel like a million bucks.  It doesn't seem fair that even she, as amazing as she is, had to face infertility and then post-partum depression.  It seems like the woes of women never end!  But I love Amanda's perspective on the infinite LOVE motherhood brings.

Something I have loved about writing this blog is recognizing the strengths of real women all around me.  You don't have to be famous or well-known to be deeply admired and loved.  I hope that when people read this blog they feel empowered by recognizing their own strengths a little better and realizing that we can all make a difference in our circle of influence.

Here is what Amanda has to say about her trials with infertility and post-partum depression:

Hello! My name is Amanda. I have been married for 5 1/2 years and have one 9 month old son. What's that you say? You're Mormon and you've been married for nearly 6 years and you only have one kid? Yep. Just one. My husband and I had to go through a few years of infertility treatments and a miscarriage before we were able to get pregnant. And my dad died during that time. It was pretty hard. But it was also a beautiful time. I would not trade those years that I had with just my husband for anything in the entire world.

I think what got me through those years of infertility was adopting the mindset "Just because Heavenly Father is blessing Mary and Susie and Polly with babies doesn't mean there are fewer babies in heaven for me. Babies are not a commodity" and "Life is not a race." Because let's face it: at BYU where everyone is getting married and having babies sometimes life feels like a race. But it isn't. I actually still have to keep telling myself both of those things. Because my kids won't be 2 years apart. I can't plan like that. They will probably be 4 or 5 years apart. But that is okay. Because life isn't a race.

Another thing that really got me through it was finding friends going through it. Because even though you try to stay positive and happy for others there is always a little (or a large) part of you that is sad for yourself because you want to be a mother so badly.

And now I am a mom! Motherhood is one of the greatest blessings in my life. Period. And because I went through infertility I feel like I have a special understanding of just what it is to be blessed with children. It doesn't make you love your children more than someone who doesn't have to struggle through infertility. Saying that is totally unfair. Every mother loves her children and would do anything, even die, for them. It doesn't make you a better mother. You are just as imperfect as everyone else out there. But going through infertility helps you see motherhood in a little bit of a different light.

It has helped me to realize that even the unpleasant things about motherhood are a blessing because it means you have a child. I would rather have vomit and baby poop all over me and have to change my clothes 10 times a day if it meant I could have a child. And I do. (Have a child I mean, I usually don't have to change my clothes 10 times a day :)

But even with the added level of awareness (via infertility) of the enormous blessing that motherhood is, it is still a huge challenge. There are days when I have yelled, literally yelled, at my 9 month old son. And why? Because I am frustrated and tired and loose my temper. Thankfully I can number those times on one hand. But they have happened. There are days when I long for some me time and I am counting down the minutes until bedtime. My son is going through this screeching phase right now. It is earsplitting. And I don't know what to do!! I want to stop it but how in the world do you discipline a baby? 

I also worry. I worry that in some way I am going to screw up his life or screw up our relationship. Because I just want to be a good mom. And I just want him to know that I love him and would do anything for him. But what if I give him issues? Those are thoughts that run through my head almost on a daily basis.

All that being said, the most difficult aspect of motherhood so far (and by far) was suffering through postpartum depression. Here I was. A new mom. 2 weeks in. And I was crying uncontrollably at the most random times. I was exhausted. I wasn't bonding to my baby. I was a total recluse. I avoided everyone. I avoided the people who brought me meals. It was rough. But here is the clincher. Here is how I knew it was more than just the baby blues or something that would pass on its own: I wanted to hurt my baby. I wanted to shake him and make him sleep and stop crying. I didn't. I had enough self control that I didn't do that. But I wanted to. And it scared me so badly that I called my doctor just bawling my eyes out. In the midst of my uncontrollable crying they comforted me and prescribed me an anti-depressant. Which I took for 4 months. I tried to stop at 2. But all the old feelings started coming back. So I got back on and they magically (or mercifully...) disappeared.

The anti-depressant was my salvation. As soon as it kicked in (about a week after I started taking it) suddenly my life was amazing. Even though my nights were sleepless still and I was still exhausted I couldn't get enough of my baby. I just treasured every. single. moment. Motherhood suddenly became the wonderful thing I heard it was. It was better than I ever dreamed possible. Eventually I weaned myself off the anti-depressant and started exercising regularly. Motherhood still feels awesome-even without medicine now :)

The greatest blessing of motherhood has been the exponential amount of love that has abounded in my life since the birth of my child. I feel this incredible amount of love for him. I feel a closer bond with my husband. I love my mother in a new and deeper way. When I rock my little child I imagine my own mother doing the same for me and my heart wells up with gratitude and a new love and appreciation for her. But most of all my relationship with my Heavenly Father has changed. How must he love me if I love like this? So I would say the greatest blessing of motherhood is the love that has abounded in my life. 

A truly memorable moment was when my boy was about seven weeks old. He was just starting to smile. I had my glasses off and was holding him close to my face. He was smiling at me and I thought we were just bonding and having this beautiful experience together when suddenly *bleh*. He vomited (projectile) all over my face: in my eyes, nose, mouth. I was dripping. And I just started to laugh. Because at a moment like that you can either laugh or cry. So I laughed. It was awesome. 

I feel like becoming a mother is something I do every day. Because even though you do become a mother in an instant (when the baby is born) becoming a true mother in every sense of the word is something that happens slowly. Each dad that passes I learn to love more, be more patient, and be less selfish. Some days are better than others. But motherhood is something that is growing on me. 

I think the absolute most important lesson I have learned from motherhood so far has been patience. I wrote a whole blog post on it: http://beilijagimene.blogspot.com/2012/12/patience.html. Though I waded through infertility for several years before I became a mother I believe that part of the reason was for me to learn patience. Infertility gave my patience- a great deal of it. A great deal more than I had ever had in my life. My loving Heavenly Father knows what a great deal of patience it takes to be a mother. And he knew I didn't have enough to even get started. So he blessed me with infertility to get me on the path and to teach me enough to get by for the first little while. But my patience has grown in spades since my son was born. 

Advice for a new mom? Get out. Make friends. Schedule at least one outing a week to go and visit a friend. Invite her to come to you or go to her. Make play dates. It doesn't matter if your baby is only an 8 week old blob. The play date is not for him/her. It is for you. You need a supportive network of mothers with whom you are in contact regularly-- in real life too. Facebook doesn't count. 

More advice: Find a babysitter. As soon as you can get someone to watch your kid. Our first date was when Austin was six weeks old. If you're nursing pump off some breast milk or give the kid a bottle. But go out! You and your husband need time together away from the baby and away from the house. Don't forget about that relationship!

Last bit of advice: Don't worry about what the books/other moms tell you. Your child is unique and you have what it takes to be the mom for that child! That is why they are with you and no one else! Trust your instincts. You will know what is best. Go ahead and read books (My bible is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child). Get advice. But take it all with a grain of salt and adjust it to suit your own needs and personal circumstances. There is no one right way to be a mom. There is no one perfect method. Just trust yourself. You can do this. You can get through it. You had a baby! You are strong.

Heather's Words of Wisdom

Meet my friend, Heather.  I'm so glad I met her, and I bet you will be too.  I still remember how excited I was 2 years ago when she knocked on my door and invited me to a little playdate at the park.  My baby was only 2.5 months old, and certainly didn't care if we were playing with other kids or not, but it meant a lot to me!  I was new to the area and new to my role as a mom.  I was so tickled that a more experienced mom thought I was cool enough to come to her playdate.  But that's Heather, for you: finding that person who needs a pick-me-up and being a true friend to them in her gentle, soft-spoken way.  She is the mother of 2 cute kids who we instantly fell in love with.  She is a gifted crochet-er.  She's the kind of mom that makes her childrens' interests her own interests as well.  She goes to great lengths to provide her children the tender love and understanding they need.  Like many moms on this blog, she is a shining example to me of the kind of mom I want to be.  I was very reluctant to say goodbye to my dear friend when they moved to Delaware last summer, but I'm determined to always keep in touch.  True friends like Heather are very hard to come by.  

Heather's words of advice bring up a very important point that I want to keep at the forefront of this blog:  we moms need to SUPPORT each other, and never COMPARE each other.  

The purpose of this blog is not to make anyone feel bad about themselves as a mom.  That's the very last thing I want!  Rather, the purpose of this blog is to help moms find ways to be there best selves and feel good about the things they are already doing.  Maybe that message doesn't come across well enough, but I feel very strongly that that is my goal.  Anyway, Heather expresses herself beautifully, so I'll let you read it yourself:  

I finally got around to reading your blog. I have to admit, I felt discouraged the first time I read it. Maybe it doesn’t help that I know most of the women contributors and I think they are stellar mothers and would love to follow all their advices and have the great outlooks they have and be perfect just like them.  Anyway, after initially reading, I had to step back and tell myself, “I’m a good mother too and these women aren’t perfect”. I don’t have the strengths, backgrounds, experiences, knowledge and interests as some of these other fabulous mothers, but I’m still a good mother and they are too. God has given my children to me for a reason. I know them best and have experiences, backgrounds, knowledge, interests, strengths, (and weaknesses), and interests that they need." Often I find that I compare myself to other moms and often ask myself “Why can’t I be like …… She’s great at this…. Or be like ……..Her home (or family) looks like this (or always does that)……” These thoughts can be debilitating and devastating to my emotional health. I don’t know if other mothers feel like this or have similar thoughts, but I wanted to stress the importance of always improving. There is no one perfect mother. There are zillions of ways to be a great mother. And every mother has the potential to be a great mother. It’s important that we’re always improving ourselves as mothers to be the mothers that God would want us to be. When we first become mothers, we come packaged differently (different family and cultural backgrounds, experiences, mother examples, interests, strengths, etc.). Sometimes some come better fit for the job than others. But I know the importance of taking one step at a time, finding one thing at a time to change and become better at. For example, as a kid, my parents both worked. They were tired. We ate out often. We weren’t a healthy family. But since I’ve been married and have had kids, I’m a much much much healthier eater and so is my family. I take each day at a time. Try a new meal. Try something from scratch. Try out a new vegetable or fruit. Grow some vegetables and fruit and find ways to use them. Use less meat and more beans. Try out a new grain. Try out foods known to be healthier for our bodies.  Drink more water. Eat packaged foods with less sugar or salt. Eat more whole grains.  I’m not near to having the perfect food and diet for my family, but I know I’m working on it and it is blessing my family. I know eating healthy is a strength to some women (maybe given to them from their mothers or interests), but it’s not a strength for me and I can’t compare myself with others in this area. Is isn’t fair to myself. And so I write these comments to remind myself, and maybe other mothers that it’s important to take the good we already do and make it better and to take the not so good and improve it and make it better. AND THIS ALL HAPPENS ONE STEP AT A TIME! One day at a time, one week at a time, one month at a time, one year at a time. I know I’m a better mother today than I was a year ago or even a month ago. This improvement is what counts… not what this mother can do better than me or what I can do better than that mother. The improvements we make as mothers bless our families immensely.

I don’t know if this any good advice. When you invited me to try to add something to your blog, I tried hard to think of something. I couldn’t come up with anything. I finally took the time to read what others have posted. I do like their advice and tips. Hope to try a few, one at a time until it actually becomes natural so it’s not overwhelming. Anyway, this is finally my attempt to add. It’s not really a tip, maybe more of a reminder. I did try to start out writing about something I specifically know I try to focus on as a mother, but instead this is what you have. Work with it as you want. If it helps. 

A Story Before Bed.

This experience comes from my sister Jane:

I just put Halle to bed. It is 10:00pm and she is very tired. She asks me so sweetly if I will snuggle her. I consent. She is asleep within minutes.

I leave the room and go back to my desk to fill out a consensus booklet. My private self hates filling out all of this information and sending it to the government, even though they probably already have this information on file. Suddenly, my concentration is broken by Halle shouting, "Mother! Mother! (pause) Mother!"

I return to her room with a smile on my face. I get such a kick out of her grown-up words. She's in her bed. She says, "I was scared. And when I'm scared, I just need some milk." 

I leave, and return again with a small, blue, plastic IKEA cup full of milk. After 2 sips, she hands it back, smiles, and quietly says, "Thank you. That was deli-suss. I love you so much," followed by a big hug around the neck. She is so sweet and sleepy that I can hardly contain my grin. I feel so much love for this little grown-up child.

I ask if I can snuggle some more. She settles in to bed and embraces her Nemo fish (a gift from exactly one year ago). Then her imagination kicks into gear. She says, "My nemo was on my swimsuit, and now he's HERE! in my arms! He was swimming, but now he came back to me. (insert quiet smooch)." It's completely dark in her room, but I can just imagine her eyes shut so tight as she kisses the stuffed Nemo fish in her arms. She lives each moment so genuinely.

Then she POPS up in bed and says, "I forgot the food! My tummy isn't happy. It's still sad and mad. I need pickles and meat and cheese. Then my tummy will be happy."

I guess it's been too long since dinner and she's hungry again. Oh well. She's now sitting next to her father at the kitchen table as he finishes up homework and reading assignments from the first day of the new semester. It's mid-August and unbelievably humid outside. So humid that our windows fog up in the mornings and I'm soaked after a short early morning jog. But despite the heat and the late nights, life is good.

Life is so good.

After a few minutes of snacking and chatting with her father about "land use and planning" (boring!) it is officially time for bed. I climb in next to her one more time and say goodnight. Then she perks up again and says, "No wait! My tummy is still mad. and sad. and crying. forever and ever! And I am crying for you and I will say Mother! Mother! because my tummy is sick.

All the while, she is stroking my cheek and tucking a stray hair behind my ear. Then she pauses and says, "I love you so much." with a kiss on my forehead. 

I ask, "Really?"

"Rilly."

I lay there without moving. Her hand on my wrist. Her breath like a gentle wind on my forehead. And within moments, she is again asleep. 

Heaven is close to my heart tonight.

Changes?

I have been thinking a lot about parenting and what I hope people get out of this blog.  I want this to be a place for moms to come to find ideas and feel appreciated.  I want this to be uplifting and never discouraging.  I want this to be a source of clarity and stress-relief.  Because of these goals, I think I'll re-focus my structure.  Originally I wanted to have a theme for every month and focus every post on that theme.  Now that this blog is up and running, I find that I would rather go with the flow because I so enjoy learning about everyone's individual approaches to parenting.

So let's scrap the "theme" idea and just have a good old-fashioned discussion!

On that note, let's talk about schedules.  If I were to describe myself and my approach to parenting/homemaking, I would say I'm pretty relaxed.  Some things are just not worth stressing over (especially when you have little kids).  In fact, the idea of giving myself deadlines in parenting/homemaking stresses me out!  It frustrates me when I don't get something done that I had every intention of accomplishing... just because life got in the way.

So instead of giving myself a schedule, I decided to give myself a general daily routine and to-do list.  It includes things like exercising, going to the store, putting kids down for naps, taking a shower, making dinner, etc.  It seems to work pretty well for me.  But the routine is basically the same for every day.  And because I try to hit all the big things on my to-do list, all the little things that need to get done start stressing me out.  Things like sweeping the floor, folding the laundry, doing the dishes, playing with my kids etc.  I try to fit them in whenever I have a moment of downtime... which sometimes NEVER happens.  And since it's impossible to do everything during nap time which sometimes doesn't happen, I start getting stressed.

Then I decided to set a day for doing laundry -- Wednesday -- so that every time I start stressing out over laundry I can tell myself "It's OK, I'll do it on Wednesday.  I can worry about something else right now."  And so far, it's working pretty darn well.  Who knew that making a schedule and setting a deadline could actually reduce stress instead of increase it?  (probably everyone but me, but I finally figured it out for myself).

So I'm trying a new approach.  I think I need a schedule, even though that word scares me a little bit.   But I can't make it too detailed or else I'll start getting frustrated when my kids don't let ME get the things I WANT to get done (see how silly and selfish it sounds?  My goal in making a schedule is to take care of my kids in an organized manner... this should reduce stress to I can be a better parent... not give me another excuse to be stressed and selfish!)

I want a few days a week when I don't have to worry about cleaning and/or cooking.  I want a day when I can completely ignore house work to read a book or play with my kids.  I don't want to go grocery shopping more than once a week.  Some things you just have to do every day (dishes) but it doesn't mean you have to stress out about it.  I'm slowly learning to ignore certain things so I can do more important things (yes, I think it is a skill to know when and how to ignore things, even if it's house work!)  For example, I am learning to ignore the dishes in the sink until after the girls are in bed.  No big deal!

So here it is (tentatively).  I did not include my personal daily routine things (like nap time), just my "to-do-at-home" things:

Monday -- grocery shop. cook and freeze left overs
Tuesday -- kitchen. sweep/mop.  vacuum.  Eat freezer meal.
Wednesday -- laundry.  organize.  playgroups.  cook?  baths.  
Thursday -- kitchen.  bathrooms.  Eat freezer meal.  Mom/Dad night out (for visiting/home teaching, girl's night, church meetings etc)
Friday -- sweep. mop. organize. Free time for reading.  Date night?
Saturday -- play with dad day.  take out trash.  vacuum.  baths.
Sunday -- rest.

I have a feeling this will change a lot over the next few weeks, but it's such a relief to have a starting point.

What is your approach to house work and play time?  How do you prioritize what needs to get done and when?  How do you get your kids to help out?

From the Editor

Hi friends!  You already know what my top two favorite tricks are (take a look at the title of the blog) but I have a few more up my sleeve.  Here it goes!


entertaining toddlers:
- Rescue Pack -- Before my second daughter was born, I made a "rescue pack" of fun activities for my toddler to play with to give me some time to focus on my new baby.  It has bubbles, playdough, markers, craft sticks, paints, stickers and paper.  It has been very helpful, especially when other kids come over.
- Sing & Dance movies and educational movies --  I know what experts say... no TV under the age of 2 and only half an hour a week after (or something like that).  But I have a hard time saying no to a movie if it helps my daughter learn the alphabet or if she's singing and dancing the whole time the TV is on.  Obviously she isn't just vegging in front of the TV.  She's learning something, and I'm getting something done, so it's worth it to me.  Our favorites are The Wiggles and Brainy Baby.  Now we have several songs and dances we like to do together!
- Cheap works-almost-every-time outdoor toys -- sand/water table with bubbles.  Spray bottle.  Pink broom/dust bin.  Sidewalk chalk.  Watering pail.  My mom used to tell me to go "paint the sidewalk" and it always did the trick!
- When (before) all else fails, play with your toddler! -- I have found that when I play with Eva for awhile, she loves it, then she gets tired of me, and then she wants to play by herself.  Cooking and cleaning can usually wait for awhile, and it's worth it when she finally decides to play by herself.  Plus, I always feel better about myself and my relationships when I spend some quality one-on-one time with my little girls, even if I'm in the middle of making dinner.


new baby:
-  portable bouncer -- best $12 we ever spent!  It's so nice to be able to put the baby down in a safe, comfortable seat at a moment's notice, especially when there is another baby running around the house who often needs immediate attention.  We use the bouncer all the time.  Ours has a vibrating option and some hanging toys that the baby loves.  Sometimes it's the only place I can put her down where she will actually stay asleep.
-  find a pacifier that works -- if at first you don't succeed, try try again.


mommy rejuvination:
-  If you can, make one room in the house completely off limits --  It's so nice to have a place that you don't have to worry about child proofing. Use a child proof door knob and a baby gate if necessary.  I use both.  My bedroom is my sanctuary because it actually stays as clean or as messy as I want it.
-  Give yourself some time at the start of the day -- Even if it's just 5 minutes.  I like to make the bed, put on clothes, brush my hair, and wash my face before I go get the kids out of bed.  I'm less likely to be impatient with my kids because I'm not preoccupied with getting away to take care of myself.


fashion:
- French braids :)

- Knit tops that don't require an under shirt + a flowy, knee-length skirt -- It's always a cute combination!  This makes it easy to stay cool on a hot summer day, and that by itself makes me a nicer mom.  It's also easy to pick an outfit, nurse a baby, and change clothes in case of a mess.

- Long skirts for church --  Thankfully, they're back in style!  Long skirts means you don't have to shave your legs or wear pantyhose. Hallelujah!

what to do when you're at the end of you're rope:
- As a very wise person once told me (or rather, my very wise mother often tells me), "learn to fuzz your brain".  I think it's her way of saying be OK with letting go of control and stress for awhile.  Just ignore it. Honestly, I didn't understand "fuzz your brain" when she first told me many years ago.  But now that I'm a mom, it is some of the best advice she has ever given me.
- Remember that someday the kids will grow up, and you will look back on these days with fondness.  Here is what Thomas S. Monson has to say on this topic:

"If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly.

Stresses in our lives come regardless of our circumstances. We must deal with them the best we can. But we should not let them get in the way of what is most important—and what is most important almost always involves the people around us. Often we assume that they must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know. Wrote William Shakespeare, “They do not love that do not show their love.” ³ We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us."  - Thomas S. Monson, Finding Joy in the Journey, October 2008 General Conference 

battling the blues:
- take a long bath
- eat a hamburger and a big side of vegetables (red meat has iron and veggies are great anti-inflamatory foods  --  great for an energy boost and feeling good about yourself) or a big green smoothie with spinach, orange juice and your favorite frozen fruits.
- take a nap in the sun, or go for a walk (alone) and sit on a sunny bench for awhile.

Whit keeps crafting simple

This is Whitney.  She's smart and awesome.  Maybe I'm biased because she is getting a PhD in German, which is one of the coolest languages around, but I think you'll agree with me when you read her crafting tricks.  She recently moved to DC with her husband and baby girl Penelope, and she's expecting her second baby (boy) any day now!  I love how she makes crafting a stress-relieving activity rather than another item on the to-do list.  That's the way it should be!  If it doesn't make you happier, then why waste the time and money?  Here's what she has to say:

My Approach to Being Crafty

I grew up with a very typical "Mormon" mom.  She cooks, sews, crochets, quilts, sings well, raised 8 righteous kids, and is still at it with almost 16 grandkids!  It was great to have so many resources at my disposal as I was growing up.  As a teenager, I picked and chose what kind of "homemaking" skills I wanted to learn, and now that I'm a mom of a  15 month old "boddler" (baby + toddler) who is still learning to walk and LOVES to spend time with me, I'm adjusting my priorities and slowly finding what works for me, just like I did growing up.  Good thing I spent the last 7 years in grad school with a busy schedule!  I had to learn to do only the important things, because as a crazy grad student I didn't have time for much other than studying, yet I needed to keep my sanity!  So I found simple crafts and sewing projects that kept me sane in grad school,  but didn't distract too much from my coursework.  I still use the same approach as a new mom.  I do enough so that I feel like myself, and that I have my own identity, but I don't do too much to where I am ignoring little Miss P (who will be joined any day now by a little brother).

I wanted to share my approach/philosophy of crafting, and then share with you a few crafts I have done recently: 

·       Know yourself and know what you like to do.  If you hate crafts, don't feel like you have to do them!  I learned after scrapbooking my whole mission (it took 3 months straight), I hate scrapbooking.  Haven't touched it since!  I can also only crochet one stitch, so I avoid crocheting, for now!  I like to embroider, sew and make simple cards; these are things I've been doing for a while, so I can do them fairly quickly.  Do what you know you can handle and are comfortable tackling, and be OK with it if you can't.  Just find something else that you do like!

·       Know how much time you have.  I used to voraciously sew for 2-3 days straight, but can't do that anymore (not since before grad school and parenthood, anyway). I sat in my basement for the first three months home from my mission and did nothing but scrapbook, watch movies and go to Institute.  I can't do anything like that now!  Now I know I have to choose something simple, or something that can be broken down into manageable chunks.  I also choose not to work on projects once my husband is home from work or late into the night, because I like to spend time with my husband, and I like my sleep!

·       Use your resources!  I regularly outsource portions of my projects to my sisters or mom or dad who have supplies or skills I need. 

·       Stick to what you have on hand. I stick with projects that I already have most of the supplies for, and only every once in a while start something totally new.  That helps keep the craft budget (yes, that's a category in our monthly budget) in check.  I also live in a tiny apartment with no space for a craft room, or even a craft closet!  My supplies have to remain minimal.

·       Only make what you really need.  I don't just craft/sew for the sake of crafting--unless I really need some stress relief.  I don't have a pinterest account, and I don't really troll blogs for new projects.  I usually am crafting/sewing because of some sort of need, be it gifts, clothes for my daughter, new baby supplies, Halloween costumes or holiday decorations.  Yes, you need holiday decorations.  Or, at least I do.  They make me happy.

·       Don't be afraid to buy something instead.  Sometimes I want to make something so badly, but in the end it's cheaper just to buy it, or I find a good substitute on sale.  I'm OK if everything isn't homemade, and honestly, it's not always cheaper to make it myself.  Not like when my mom made EVERYTHING for us!

Here are a few projects that I've done recently.  If you want to know how I did them,  I can do some detailed tutorials.

Embroidery:

I have found that simple embroidery is a quick and easy project.   I have a bunch of embroidery patterns that I've accumulated from Mormon Handicraft and craft stores.  I've embroidered quotes and scriptures for new convert baptism gifts.   I have holiday embroidery patterns.  I make up patterns sometimes.  I tend to stick the finished product  in picture frames.  When I was invited to a baby shower last year, our budget was tight, and I couldn't afford to buy a typical gift.  So, I found an extra picture frame, and embroidered a stick-person family to give to my friend.  I sketched out the family to look like each of the family members, including the new baby, mom with long brown hair and green eyes, and dad, who is a big BYU fan, and finished it in a few hours.  I don't have a picture of the finished product, but this is the pattern I sketched:

Wall Art:

When my daughter, Miss P, was born, I wanted to put "I am a Child of God" signs in her room in multiple foreign languages.  I'm getting a PhD in German, so I'm a bit of a language dork.  This craft was a perfect example of using my resources.  I was in Nebraska visiting my family, so I went to the hardware store with my dad, bought a bunch of  1x4s and asked him to use his tools (which I don't have at all!) to cut down the boards and route the edges (is that the verb, since my dad used his router to round the edge!?!).  Then, I used my mom's stash of acrylic paints to paint the boards the colors I wanted.  I brought my painted boards back to Illinois with me, and when my sister came to visit me after Miss P was born, I asked her to bring her Cricut so we could make vinyl stickers.  In an afternoon we had all the vinyl cut and adhered.  Then, I used Command picture hanging strips to stick them on the wall.  The command strips were so much easier than trying to adhere some sort of picture hanging hardware to the back of the boards and then nailing a level and perfectly spaced configuration to the wall!  Here is the finished project on the wall above P's crib:  http://whitneylovesgerman.blogspot.com/2011/11/flat-stanley-and-penelopes-room.html

Birthday Wreath:

I have a stash of wreaths to put on my door for every month.  I wanted one for birthdays.  I really do want to sew a "Happy Birthday" banner at some point, but this was not that time.   Like I said, I don't have a pinterest account, but that doesn't mean I don't see what other people pin there thanks to Facebook.  One of my friends pinned a simple wreath idea from Our Best Bites, and, after reading the instructions on the blog, I thought I could handle it.  It was cheap enough to fit in my craft budget that month, and I could finish it during my daughter's nap.  DONE and DONE!! I found my supplies at Michael's (always using a coupon) and bought the balloons at Target.  Here is a link to the tutorial:

http://www.ourbestbites.com/2011/03/celebration-balloon-wreath/ 

This is my finished product, albeit in need of some fluffing.  Every time we walk past the wreath I let Penelope touch it, so it's a little disheveled by now :

Kellie

I love Kellie.  She has two lovely sons, a busy accountant husband, a new nursing degree (woohoo!! congrats!) and a beautiful countenance.  She's the kind of person that makes you smile just by thinking about her.  That's the kind of person I want to be!  In fact, we like their family so much that we decided to swap children if they end up having another boy and we end up having another girl.  Perfect perfect!  (just kidding... kind of.  Her boys are really cute!!)  I literally laughed out loud at some of her tricks, because they are exactly the kinds of things I need to "let go" a bit.  I especially like her french braid trick at the end ;)  Enjoy!

-As much as I look up to your sister, Jane, for getting up early in the morning to exercise--I just prefer my sleep!  I'm a much better mama after getting a good night's sleep--and I'm not the type to go to bed early either!  So tip #1--get a restful night of sleep!  Your kiddos will thank you!  Confession: My boys are often up before I finally drag myself outta bed--we've taught them to read quietly or watch a show until mama is ready to get up!

-Speaking of exercise, I need it.  Bad!  Not only does it release those fantastic endorphins that can salvage a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day--it offers me a few hours of precious "me" time without feeling guilty because I know the boys are having a swell time in the child care center.  If you don't have a gym membership or a place that offers child care, I highly recommend it!  It has saved my sanity!  Plus the "You have two children?!" comments, that totally boost my self-confidence, are an added bonus!

-Secret stash.  Something for you and something for the kids.  "Boys it's nap/quiet time" is code for "mama needs to eat some cookies that you boys will never know existed." (See my reason for needing exercise?!) A fun little stash for the boys is always a huge hit.  It's not necessarily something sweet all the time, but something that they think is just for them.

-One of my biggest secrets I can't claim, because it was my awesome husb who started it.  Anyway, from the time they were old enough to sass me, instead of him saying, "Don't talk to your mother like that" he says, "don't talk to my wife like that."  Not too long ago, Ethan talked back to me and I overheard Teigan say, "Ethan, that is daddy's wife!  He will be upset if mom tells him!"  Haha!  I especially think this is important to teach your sons, but obviously daughters need to hear this, too!

-M&M's.  I don't discriminate which kind.  Any and all.  They make me nice.

- Because my boys are older, I keep cut up fruit, yogurt, cheese sticks and nuts in the fridge conveniently located at their height.  They love the indepence of being able to grab themselves a quick snack, and it saves me the time of having to do it "right this minute."

-Never underestimate the power of movie time and popcorn with your littles!  When I can tell it's just gonna be one of those days, I pop up some popcorn, lay out a blanket in the living room, let the boys pick a movie and life is suddenly back on track :)

-Like other moms have said, WEAR YOUR CHILDREN OUT during the day!  Makes bedtime a breeze!

-Let your kids DO things!  There have been so many times it would be easier/faster to do myself--but seeing the look on E's face after cracking an egg (even if I have to pick out eggshells from the batter!) is priceless.  And hey, they have to learn those things at some point anyway.  Plus, then they learn how to work.  My boys have been cleaning toilets and dust busting since they were 2 and they love to help me "clean."  This is one of my FAVORITE tips!

-For a cute look in ZERO time, french braid your hair while wet the night before.  Take it out in the morning for fabulous waves! (make sure hair is mostly dry before undoing).


-One more awesome tip: my boys take turns each night cleaning their bathroom. It just so happens one was born on an odd day and the other an even day so if it's an even day it's Teig's turn and Ethan gets odd days (bummer for Ethan on those 31st to 1st months :)) anyway, I keep Clorox wipes and mr clean mirror wipes under their sink and every night before bed they have to clean their own bathroom. I can't even remember the last time I cleaned their bathroom and it always looks spotless! And one less bathroom to clean is sure a time saver!

Living in the Big Apple

Meet Tessa Egan.  She's a mother of two living in a one bedroom apartment in Manhattan.  Yes, you read that right.  1 bedroom, 4 people, living in the heart of New York City!  What an adventure!  I love reading her blog because I'm always amazed by the ways she makes home life happy and functional.  I remember when she first moved to NY.  They had to replace their only car with a nice double stroller and get rid of most of their possessions just to fit in their new apartment.  She now takes the subway to get to and from the grocery store (and everywhere else for that matter.)  Her pace of life is just so different from mine.  And yet, amongst all the hustle and bustle of a big city, she manages to see the beautiful and uplifting details in life.  I'm just so impressed with her.

Out of necessity, she has found lots of tricks to streamline family living.   Here is what she has to say:


The snack bag (I use an insulated lunch bag): Very important in NYC. I pack it every morning with a variety of snacks, and usually some PB&Js if we're not going to be home in time for lunch. I just toss it in the stroller basket and keep it there. We're always on the go, so it really helps to be able to just pull stuff out when the kids are hungry. And when we spend the morning at the park and the kids have already eaten their PB&Js as well, that means, I get to put them straight down for their afternoon nap when we get home. Also, I always keep a last resort treat snack in the stroller (for when the kids break down on the subway), maybe not the best parenting idea, but by that point, I'm just trying to survive.

Packing a stroller: I have to make sure I have everything ready to go in the stroller so I am prepared for whatever comes our way on our little adventures. In the summertime I keep a gallon-size Ziploc with swim shorts for the boys, sunscreen, and mini towel for the park, and usually sand shovels and stuff. In the wintertime, I pack extra gloves, scarves, hats, and usually the stroller gets filled up as we shed layers throughout the day. I always have a water bottle, my wallet, sunscreen, lotion, hand sanitizer on a key ring, the snack bag, a diaper clutch with fresh diaper and wipes, and band aids. I bought a stroller handle organizer so I don't have to carry a purse around with me and so I can grab what I need quickly.

Keeping kids entertained in a tiny apartment: Still trying to figure this one out. What has worked so far: I have a drawer of art supplies that Joseph and Dan love to go to and experiment with. I keep it at kid-level so they can access it when they feel like it (therefore I do not include markers, adult scissors, finger paints, or anything that would need more adult supervision). Joseph loves Crayola crayons, watercolors, paint with water books, playdough, gluesticks and child scissors. And Dan will usually do what Joseph does, but not for as long. During Dan's morning nap, Joseph gets some computer time if he's been good. He gets to play preschool games on PBSkids or Disney online.  
Keeping clutter at bay/saving money: De-cluttering seriously feels great and relieves a lot of stress for me, even though it does take a little time. But it's well worth it. It feels so good to have a few less things in your space that weren't very useful anyway. When we were moving, my rule was to get rid of everything we hadn't used in the last few months (some exceptions of course like sewing machines, personal treasures, files, etc). And honestly, I can't remember what most of those things were. Now we live in such a tiny space that my trick before I buy something is to think in my head of exactly where I'm going to put it. If I can't think of a place and it's not worth making a place for, I don't buy it.
And if I buy an item of clothing for me, I usually switch out something I don't wear any more and give it away. I periodically go through my closet and grade my clothes. The A's get to stay. The B's, I can think about keeping. The C's and D's and F's (as far as how much I like them, or how l look in them) definitely have to go. Then it's not as hard to get dressed in the morning because there aren't too many clothes to go through and when you put something on it will usually look great.  I once heard a rule to follow when shopping (I don't remember where I heard it), but now I use it a lot: If you don't NEED it AND you don't LOVE it...definitely don't buy it. If I'm buying something I don't need, I try to only get it if I can give it a grade of 100%. Or else I'll just end up getting rid of it later:)

Other decluttering tricks:
When I'm sick of a toy, I get rid of it. Sometimes I notice that for the last few weeks I've been stubbing my toe on the same old thing that gets played with for 3 minutes, so out it goes. Sure, there are a few toys that I wish maybe I'd have kept, but usually I don't notice, and then we're left with toys that we really like.
I do make room for children's books.
I limit sheet sets, towels, cleaning supplies, tablecloths, dishes, etc to what we actually USE, because we just don't have room for more. BUT, I do wish I could have room for more:)



Little tricks that I don't really realize I do:

Put my exercise clothes and shoes right by my bed at night so it's that much easier to get dressed and run out the door for exercise in the morning. 

Buy Joseph shoes that he knows how to put on himself. Makes getting out the door so much easier. 

When I'm at the end of my rope: Turn on some fun music or go in another room and close the door for a few minutes while the kids are watching a show. Or if Brandon's home, have him take the kids outside while I clean/cook/eat chocolate all by myself.

When both kids are crying, just get out the door even if they're crying the whole way. Everyone's happier once we get out.

FHE lessons: The Gospel Art Kit is great when we don't have a plan. We let each kid pick a picture and we tell the scripture story.

Pre-mix waffle batter night before for easy breakfast and to add waffles to the snack bag.

Roll cookie dough into balls and put on cookie sheet. Freeze 'til the dough is hard enough and put all of the cookie dough balls in a freezer bag. Pull out how many you need and bake as needed. Easy for last minute dessert/visiting teaching/last minute company coming over.

Keep diaper wipes in the kitchen and bathroom for quick clean-ups.

Wash toilet, mirror, sink in bathroom while the kids are in the tub. Might as well do something useful while I'm keeping an eye on them.

When I have a new baby I like clear shower curtain liners so I can put the baby in the bathroom and still see what's going on while I'm showering.

My favorite mom-rejuvenation trick: When the kids go to bed, it's my time to watch a show, eat a big bowl of fruit, and a piece of dessert. I'm happy to have Brandon join me.

(a note from Emily) Alone time:  her husband takes the kids every Saturday so she can have some time to herself to explore the city or get things done.  Brilliant and necessary!**