What she doesn't know

Thank you for this amazing post about 3-year-old daughters! I couldn't have said it better myself. (*Tears streaming down my face!*)

What She Doesn't Know

At times I can already feel my little 3-year-old growing up and slipping away. If only I could hold on to special moments like this forever!

To Moms: From Kid President

I got this link from one of our FB&FM contributors, Alysa. This is something I could hear everyday!

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President. 

The kid in this video is just TOO cute. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did :). 

I liked this too much not to share...

To Parents of Small Children

I have been thinking a lot about this very topic lately.  I especially like how he encourages parents to stop comparing themselves to the people who write how-to-be the-perfect-parent blogs.  I plan to write a lot more about this topic very soon (the title will be "The Iron Rod does NOT go through the Great and Spacious Building"), but for now I want to remind those who feel desperately inadequate because of the many mommy blogs out there (or facebook, pinterest, magazines, TV, novels etc) that these sources are NOT gospel truths.   They are personal opinions and experiences. Period.

What is truth?  Scriptures, patriarchal blessings, spiritual affirmations, general conference talks, direction from priesthood authorities, and family relationships.

The reason why I feel so strongly about this is because I also struggle with comparing myself to others, especially when it comes to parenting.  I think everyone does to a certain extent.  The good thing is that if you're struggle with comparing, it probably means you really care about your kids.  A LOT.  Which is the most important thing in parenting anyway :)

Amanda

Amanda and I go way back.  We knew each other before having babies, before college graduation, and even before marrying our husbands.  She was one of the first people I told when Jeff and I started dating seriously.  I have seen Amanda during some of the happiest times of her life, and also durring some of the hardest moments of her life.  And yet, through thick and thin, her countenance never stops beaming her testimony and JOY of the gospel.  It is really wonderful to see her example.

Amanda is hard working and a very talented musician.  She makes friends easily and keeps them FOREVER.  She has a fantastic smile that makes you feel like a million bucks.  It doesn't seem fair that even she, as amazing as she is, had to face infertility and then post-partum depression.  It seems like the woes of women never end!  But I love Amanda's perspective on the infinite LOVE motherhood brings.

Something I have loved about writing this blog is recognizing the strengths of real women all around me.  You don't have to be famous or well-known to be deeply admired and loved.  I hope that when people read this blog they feel empowered by recognizing their own strengths a little better and realizing that we can all make a difference in our circle of influence.

Here is what Amanda has to say about her trials with infertility and post-partum depression:

Hello! My name is Amanda. I have been married for 5 1/2 years and have one 9 month old son. What's that you say? You're Mormon and you've been married for nearly 6 years and you only have one kid? Yep. Just one. My husband and I had to go through a few years of infertility treatments and a miscarriage before we were able to get pregnant. And my dad died during that time. It was pretty hard. But it was also a beautiful time. I would not trade those years that I had with just my husband for anything in the entire world.

I think what got me through those years of infertility was adopting the mindset "Just because Heavenly Father is blessing Mary and Susie and Polly with babies doesn't mean there are fewer babies in heaven for me. Babies are not a commodity" and "Life is not a race." Because let's face it: at BYU where everyone is getting married and having babies sometimes life feels like a race. But it isn't. I actually still have to keep telling myself both of those things. Because my kids won't be 2 years apart. I can't plan like that. They will probably be 4 or 5 years apart. But that is okay. Because life isn't a race.

Another thing that really got me through it was finding friends going through it. Because even though you try to stay positive and happy for others there is always a little (or a large) part of you that is sad for yourself because you want to be a mother so badly.

And now I am a mom! Motherhood is one of the greatest blessings in my life. Period. And because I went through infertility I feel like I have a special understanding of just what it is to be blessed with children. It doesn't make you love your children more than someone who doesn't have to struggle through infertility. Saying that is totally unfair. Every mother loves her children and would do anything, even die, for them. It doesn't make you a better mother. You are just as imperfect as everyone else out there. But going through infertility helps you see motherhood in a little bit of a different light.

It has helped me to realize that even the unpleasant things about motherhood are a blessing because it means you have a child. I would rather have vomit and baby poop all over me and have to change my clothes 10 times a day if it meant I could have a child. And I do. (Have a child I mean, I usually don't have to change my clothes 10 times a day :)

But even with the added level of awareness (via infertility) of the enormous blessing that motherhood is, it is still a huge challenge. There are days when I have yelled, literally yelled, at my 9 month old son. And why? Because I am frustrated and tired and loose my temper. Thankfully I can number those times on one hand. But they have happened. There are days when I long for some me time and I am counting down the minutes until bedtime. My son is going through this screeching phase right now. It is earsplitting. And I don't know what to do!! I want to stop it but how in the world do you discipline a baby? 

I also worry. I worry that in some way I am going to screw up his life or screw up our relationship. Because I just want to be a good mom. And I just want him to know that I love him and would do anything for him. But what if I give him issues? Those are thoughts that run through my head almost on a daily basis.

All that being said, the most difficult aspect of motherhood so far (and by far) was suffering through postpartum depression. Here I was. A new mom. 2 weeks in. And I was crying uncontrollably at the most random times. I was exhausted. I wasn't bonding to my baby. I was a total recluse. I avoided everyone. I avoided the people who brought me meals. It was rough. But here is the clincher. Here is how I knew it was more than just the baby blues or something that would pass on its own: I wanted to hurt my baby. I wanted to shake him and make him sleep and stop crying. I didn't. I had enough self control that I didn't do that. But I wanted to. And it scared me so badly that I called my doctor just bawling my eyes out. In the midst of my uncontrollable crying they comforted me and prescribed me an anti-depressant. Which I took for 4 months. I tried to stop at 2. But all the old feelings started coming back. So I got back on and they magically (or mercifully...) disappeared.

The anti-depressant was my salvation. As soon as it kicked in (about a week after I started taking it) suddenly my life was amazing. Even though my nights were sleepless still and I was still exhausted I couldn't get enough of my baby. I just treasured every. single. moment. Motherhood suddenly became the wonderful thing I heard it was. It was better than I ever dreamed possible. Eventually I weaned myself off the anti-depressant and started exercising regularly. Motherhood still feels awesome-even without medicine now :)

The greatest blessing of motherhood has been the exponential amount of love that has abounded in my life since the birth of my child. I feel this incredible amount of love for him. I feel a closer bond with my husband. I love my mother in a new and deeper way. When I rock my little child I imagine my own mother doing the same for me and my heart wells up with gratitude and a new love and appreciation for her. But most of all my relationship with my Heavenly Father has changed. How must he love me if I love like this? So I would say the greatest blessing of motherhood is the love that has abounded in my life. 

A truly memorable moment was when my boy was about seven weeks old. He was just starting to smile. I had my glasses off and was holding him close to my face. He was smiling at me and I thought we were just bonding and having this beautiful experience together when suddenly *bleh*. He vomited (projectile) all over my face: in my eyes, nose, mouth. I was dripping. And I just started to laugh. Because at a moment like that you can either laugh or cry. So I laughed. It was awesome. 

I feel like becoming a mother is something I do every day. Because even though you do become a mother in an instant (when the baby is born) becoming a true mother in every sense of the word is something that happens slowly. Each dad that passes I learn to love more, be more patient, and be less selfish. Some days are better than others. But motherhood is something that is growing on me. 

I think the absolute most important lesson I have learned from motherhood so far has been patience. I wrote a whole blog post on it: http://beilijagimene.blogspot.com/2012/12/patience.html. Though I waded through infertility for several years before I became a mother I believe that part of the reason was for me to learn patience. Infertility gave my patience- a great deal of it. A great deal more than I had ever had in my life. My loving Heavenly Father knows what a great deal of patience it takes to be a mother. And he knew I didn't have enough to even get started. So he blessed me with infertility to get me on the path and to teach me enough to get by for the first little while. But my patience has grown in spades since my son was born. 

Advice for a new mom? Get out. Make friends. Schedule at least one outing a week to go and visit a friend. Invite her to come to you or go to her. Make play dates. It doesn't matter if your baby is only an 8 week old blob. The play date is not for him/her. It is for you. You need a supportive network of mothers with whom you are in contact regularly-- in real life too. Facebook doesn't count. 

More advice: Find a babysitter. As soon as you can get someone to watch your kid. Our first date was when Austin was six weeks old. If you're nursing pump off some breast milk or give the kid a bottle. But go out! You and your husband need time together away from the baby and away from the house. Don't forget about that relationship!

Last bit of advice: Don't worry about what the books/other moms tell you. Your child is unique and you have what it takes to be the mom for that child! That is why they are with you and no one else! Trust your instincts. You will know what is best. Go ahead and read books (My bible is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child). Get advice. But take it all with a grain of salt and adjust it to suit your own needs and personal circumstances. There is no one right way to be a mom. There is no one perfect method. Just trust yourself. You can do this. You can get through it. You had a baby! You are strong.

Changes?

I have been thinking a lot about parenting and what I hope people get out of this blog.  I want this to be a place for moms to come to find ideas and feel appreciated.  I want this to be uplifting and never discouraging.  I want this to be a source of clarity and stress-relief.  Because of these goals, I think I'll re-focus my structure.  Originally I wanted to have a theme for every month and focus every post on that theme.  Now that this blog is up and running, I find that I would rather go with the flow because I so enjoy learning about everyone's individual approaches to parenting.

So let's scrap the "theme" idea and just have a good old-fashioned discussion!

On that note, let's talk about schedules.  If I were to describe myself and my approach to parenting/homemaking, I would say I'm pretty relaxed.  Some things are just not worth stressing over (especially when you have little kids).  In fact, the idea of giving myself deadlines in parenting/homemaking stresses me out!  It frustrates me when I don't get something done that I had every intention of accomplishing... just because life got in the way.

So instead of giving myself a schedule, I decided to give myself a general daily routine and to-do list.  It includes things like exercising, going to the store, putting kids down for naps, taking a shower, making dinner, etc.  It seems to work pretty well for me.  But the routine is basically the same for every day.  And because I try to hit all the big things on my to-do list, all the little things that need to get done start stressing me out.  Things like sweeping the floor, folding the laundry, doing the dishes, playing with my kids etc.  I try to fit them in whenever I have a moment of downtime... which sometimes NEVER happens.  And since it's impossible to do everything during nap time which sometimes doesn't happen, I start getting stressed.

Then I decided to set a day for doing laundry -- Wednesday -- so that every time I start stressing out over laundry I can tell myself "It's OK, I'll do it on Wednesday.  I can worry about something else right now."  And so far, it's working pretty darn well.  Who knew that making a schedule and setting a deadline could actually reduce stress instead of increase it?  (probably everyone but me, but I finally figured it out for myself).

So I'm trying a new approach.  I think I need a schedule, even though that word scares me a little bit.   But I can't make it too detailed or else I'll start getting frustrated when my kids don't let ME get the things I WANT to get done (see how silly and selfish it sounds?  My goal in making a schedule is to take care of my kids in an organized manner... this should reduce stress to I can be a better parent... not give me another excuse to be stressed and selfish!)

I want a few days a week when I don't have to worry about cleaning and/or cooking.  I want a day when I can completely ignore house work to read a book or play with my kids.  I don't want to go grocery shopping more than once a week.  Some things you just have to do every day (dishes) but it doesn't mean you have to stress out about it.  I'm slowly learning to ignore certain things so I can do more important things (yes, I think it is a skill to know when and how to ignore things, even if it's house work!)  For example, I am learning to ignore the dishes in the sink until after the girls are in bed.  No big deal!

So here it is (tentatively).  I did not include my personal daily routine things (like nap time), just my "to-do-at-home" things:

Monday -- grocery shop. cook and freeze left overs
Tuesday -- kitchen. sweep/mop.  vacuum.  Eat freezer meal.
Wednesday -- laundry.  organize.  playgroups.  cook?  baths.  
Thursday -- kitchen.  bathrooms.  Eat freezer meal.  Mom/Dad night out (for visiting/home teaching, girl's night, church meetings etc)
Friday -- sweep. mop. organize. Free time for reading.  Date night?
Saturday -- play with dad day.  take out trash.  vacuum.  baths.
Sunday -- rest.

I have a feeling this will change a lot over the next few weeks, but it's such a relief to have a starting point.

What is your approach to house work and play time?  How do you prioritize what needs to get done and when?  How do you get your kids to help out?

Whit keeps crafting simple

This is Whitney.  She's smart and awesome.  Maybe I'm biased because she is getting a PhD in German, which is one of the coolest languages around, but I think you'll agree with me when you read her crafting tricks.  She recently moved to DC with her husband and baby girl Penelope, and she's expecting her second baby (boy) any day now!  I love how she makes crafting a stress-relieving activity rather than another item on the to-do list.  That's the way it should be!  If it doesn't make you happier, then why waste the time and money?  Here's what she has to say:

My Approach to Being Crafty

I grew up with a very typical "Mormon" mom.  She cooks, sews, crochets, quilts, sings well, raised 8 righteous kids, and is still at it with almost 16 grandkids!  It was great to have so many resources at my disposal as I was growing up.  As a teenager, I picked and chose what kind of "homemaking" skills I wanted to learn, and now that I'm a mom of a  15 month old "boddler" (baby + toddler) who is still learning to walk and LOVES to spend time with me, I'm adjusting my priorities and slowly finding what works for me, just like I did growing up.  Good thing I spent the last 7 years in grad school with a busy schedule!  I had to learn to do only the important things, because as a crazy grad student I didn't have time for much other than studying, yet I needed to keep my sanity!  So I found simple crafts and sewing projects that kept me sane in grad school,  but didn't distract too much from my coursework.  I still use the same approach as a new mom.  I do enough so that I feel like myself, and that I have my own identity, but I don't do too much to where I am ignoring little Miss P (who will be joined any day now by a little brother).

I wanted to share my approach/philosophy of crafting, and then share with you a few crafts I have done recently: 

·       Know yourself and know what you like to do.  If you hate crafts, don't feel like you have to do them!  I learned after scrapbooking my whole mission (it took 3 months straight), I hate scrapbooking.  Haven't touched it since!  I can also only crochet one stitch, so I avoid crocheting, for now!  I like to embroider, sew and make simple cards; these are things I've been doing for a while, so I can do them fairly quickly.  Do what you know you can handle and are comfortable tackling, and be OK with it if you can't.  Just find something else that you do like!

·       Know how much time you have.  I used to voraciously sew for 2-3 days straight, but can't do that anymore (not since before grad school and parenthood, anyway). I sat in my basement for the first three months home from my mission and did nothing but scrapbook, watch movies and go to Institute.  I can't do anything like that now!  Now I know I have to choose something simple, or something that can be broken down into manageable chunks.  I also choose not to work on projects once my husband is home from work or late into the night, because I like to spend time with my husband, and I like my sleep!

·       Use your resources!  I regularly outsource portions of my projects to my sisters or mom or dad who have supplies or skills I need. 

·       Stick to what you have on hand. I stick with projects that I already have most of the supplies for, and only every once in a while start something totally new.  That helps keep the craft budget (yes, that's a category in our monthly budget) in check.  I also live in a tiny apartment with no space for a craft room, or even a craft closet!  My supplies have to remain minimal.

·       Only make what you really need.  I don't just craft/sew for the sake of crafting--unless I really need some stress relief.  I don't have a pinterest account, and I don't really troll blogs for new projects.  I usually am crafting/sewing because of some sort of need, be it gifts, clothes for my daughter, new baby supplies, Halloween costumes or holiday decorations.  Yes, you need holiday decorations.  Or, at least I do.  They make me happy.

·       Don't be afraid to buy something instead.  Sometimes I want to make something so badly, but in the end it's cheaper just to buy it, or I find a good substitute on sale.  I'm OK if everything isn't homemade, and honestly, it's not always cheaper to make it myself.  Not like when my mom made EVERYTHING for us!

Here are a few projects that I've done recently.  If you want to know how I did them,  I can do some detailed tutorials.

Embroidery:

I have found that simple embroidery is a quick and easy project.   I have a bunch of embroidery patterns that I've accumulated from Mormon Handicraft and craft stores.  I've embroidered quotes and scriptures for new convert baptism gifts.   I have holiday embroidery patterns.  I make up patterns sometimes.  I tend to stick the finished product  in picture frames.  When I was invited to a baby shower last year, our budget was tight, and I couldn't afford to buy a typical gift.  So, I found an extra picture frame, and embroidered a stick-person family to give to my friend.  I sketched out the family to look like each of the family members, including the new baby, mom with long brown hair and green eyes, and dad, who is a big BYU fan, and finished it in a few hours.  I don't have a picture of the finished product, but this is the pattern I sketched:

Wall Art:

When my daughter, Miss P, was born, I wanted to put "I am a Child of God" signs in her room in multiple foreign languages.  I'm getting a PhD in German, so I'm a bit of a language dork.  This craft was a perfect example of using my resources.  I was in Nebraska visiting my family, so I went to the hardware store with my dad, bought a bunch of  1x4s and asked him to use his tools (which I don't have at all!) to cut down the boards and route the edges (is that the verb, since my dad used his router to round the edge!?!).  Then, I used my mom's stash of acrylic paints to paint the boards the colors I wanted.  I brought my painted boards back to Illinois with me, and when my sister came to visit me after Miss P was born, I asked her to bring her Cricut so we could make vinyl stickers.  In an afternoon we had all the vinyl cut and adhered.  Then, I used Command picture hanging strips to stick them on the wall.  The command strips were so much easier than trying to adhere some sort of picture hanging hardware to the back of the boards and then nailing a level and perfectly spaced configuration to the wall!  Here is the finished project on the wall above P's crib:  http://whitneylovesgerman.blogspot.com/2011/11/flat-stanley-and-penelopes-room.html

Birthday Wreath:

I have a stash of wreaths to put on my door for every month.  I wanted one for birthdays.  I really do want to sew a "Happy Birthday" banner at some point, but this was not that time.   Like I said, I don't have a pinterest account, but that doesn't mean I don't see what other people pin there thanks to Facebook.  One of my friends pinned a simple wreath idea from Our Best Bites, and, after reading the instructions on the blog, I thought I could handle it.  It was cheap enough to fit in my craft budget that month, and I could finish it during my daughter's nap.  DONE and DONE!! I found my supplies at Michael's (always using a coupon) and bought the balloons at Target.  Here is a link to the tutorial:

http://www.ourbestbites.com/2011/03/celebration-balloon-wreath/ 

This is my finished product, albeit in need of some fluffing.  Every time we walk past the wreath I let Penelope touch it, so it's a little disheveled by now :

Janey Pie

Jane is a busy mother of two living and working as a freelance photographer in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.  She calls her business JaneyPie Photography.  With 2 kids under three and a thriving business to manage, you can bet she's one busy woman!  And she is good at what she does.  One of my favorite things about Jane is that she stays cool when life is chaos.  She's good at saying "It's no big deal" -- a phrase I need to use more often, especially in parenting.

Here are some of her favorite tricks:

1. Creating simple Photoshop Actions to make blogging faster and easier.
2. Running in the morning before the day starts
3. Only planning 1-2 activities per day for me & the kids so that I have more free time for them. So that when Halle says, "Will you read this book?" I can drop everything and say "YES!"
4. Having art/crafty projects at the ready to entertain my two-year-old during down time. 
5. Instead of letting myself get mad when Halle is whiny/tired/irritable, I try to take a deep breath and just redirect her attention. Usually if she's upset or getting into trouble, it's because she's bored, not because she's trying to be a bad girl.
6. Using the same bedtime routine every night to help my toddler recognize it's time to calm down and go to bed. For example:  Making up stories at bedtime that always end with, "And then she got soooo tired and her mommy tucked her into bed and said, 'goodnight - I love you'. " which my two-year-old can relate to. It helps her realize she's tired and that it's bedtime.
7. Bedtime is always easier if I wear out my toddler during the day. That means LESS TV and more PLAY TIME. So I try to go outside with her every day. Hopefully we make it to the park or to the swimming pool. Sometimes it's just chalk on the driveway and watering the garden.
8. When we're out on a walk, I let my toddler run next to me until she gets tired. Then she's more willing to sit in the stroller to relax. 
9. Having certain foods on hand for quick easy dinners. For example: I like to always have chicken, black beans, enchilada sauce, and green chiles on hand so that we can have easy soft tacos in a jiffy. Other quick and easy meals include Pancakes & Eggs, Spaghetti & Meat Sauce, Baked BBQ Chicken with instant mashed potatoes, Roast & Vegetables in the crockpot, and Bagel & Egg sandwiches.
10. Purchasing several of the same girly gift items at once for future birthday gifts at the ready. 
11. Making sure that everything in my house has a "place" so that when it's time for cleanup, we can avoid collecting clutter! (Still working on this one)
12. Photographing the 'non-smile' moments that communicate kid's personality instead of waiting for the smile.